JFK Jr. and Carolyn Bessette were married for less than 3 years before a hazy summer's day in 1999 resulted in their sudden passing. The legacy of their romance, however, stood the test of time...
She Was Stubborn From The Start
When John F. Kennedy Jr. asked Carolyn to marry him over the 4th of July weekend in Martha's Vineyard, she didn't say yes. She didn't say no, but the 29-year-old Calvin Klien publicist wasn't sure about what marrying a man of his stature would entail.
When he proposed, John gave Carolyn a platinum, diamond, and sapphire ring. But, Carolyn felt enormous pressure and needed time to think. She knew that joining their lives would come with pros and cons. Bessette understood the meaning behind the Kennedy family name but wasn't sure if she was ready to surrender her privacy.
JFK Jr.: People's Sexiest Man Alive
Young John caught the eyes of many. He was voted People's Sexiest Man alive in 1988 and had people swooning over him worldwide. At the beginning of their relationship, Carolyn remembered feeling that she had to play it cool. She once told a friend that she constantly reminded herself, "'Snap out of it, he's just a guy.'"
John had to follow strict family codes and often felt that the family name weighed him down. When he met Carolyn in 1994 at a Calvin Klien hosted event, he was instantly hooked on her uplifting personality. Carolyn, however, played hard to get. John would call her, and she wouldn't return his calls, which drove him crazy.
The Future Kennedy Was A Try-Hard
Bessette was born in New York but grew up in the very posh neighborhood of Greenwich, Connecticut. She lived in a full house and had many friends throughout her school career. Despite all of this, she felt like a complete outsider. Her sense of self would soon turn around in the coming years when she became noticed by many.
Carolyn worked publicity for clubs in Boston. Before she knew it, she was whisked away by Calvin Klien to work at his New York headquarters. Carolyn was recalled by Terenzio in her book, Fairy Tale Interrupted, as "Different from the typical gorgeous girls you see around Manhattan. She wasn't trying too hard. She wasn't trying at all." But really, she was.
She Loved Him, But Not His Name
Carolyn had settled into an independent lifestyle while in New York City. Because of that, she struggled to spend time around the Kennedy’s because they made her feel small, irrelevant, and insecure. Carolyn loved John for who he was when they were alone together, but couldn't stand who he became when he was around his family.
As JFK explained to his childhood friend Gustavo, Insecurity was "Definitely not on the Kennedy menu," as the family lived with nothing but confidence. He continued, "We don't do insecurity very well." Knowing this, Carolyn felt overwhelmed. She tried to imagine what life would be like, married to John as well as the rest of his family.
She Needed Time To Think
Carolyn took a leap and moved in with John, but still felt that she needed time to think. She knew that this was a big step for him, as he was old-fashioned and couldn't be single forever. At the same time, Bessette worried that marriage would change everything. Could she continue to be herself while becoming a Kennedy?
There was so much to consider. Carolyn loved John but was frustrated by the idea of Kennedy family gatherings that lacked the chance to take a deep breath. It was hard for her to be "on" all the time. Carolyn felt they had to be more formal with the Kennedy's than at any other kind of family gathering she had experienced before.
She Finally Said Yes
Three weeks after his proposal, Carolyn finally said yes. John was massively relieved, as he had grown tired of less meaningful female company throughout the years. He had previously dated Sarah Jessica Parker and Madonna, but he instantly knew things would be different when he met Carolyn. He had finally found his life partner.
John's executive assistant RoseMarie Terenzio was quoted in J. Randy Taraborrelli's book The Kennedy Hiers, saying, "I actually think that [delayed answer] made John even more eager to marry her." Although the previous weeks had been stressful for John as he waited for Carolyn's answer, he remained enticed by her strong will.
Jackie Kennedy's Final Wish
With high highs came low lows. John's mother, Jackie Kennedy Onassis, passed away in May 1994. This majorly affected JFK Jr. as they were extremely close. Before the tragic day, Jackie wrote him a letter to be opened only after her death. In it, she said, "I understand the pressure you'll forever have to endure as a Kennedy..."
"...You, especially, have a place in history. No matter what course in life you choose, all I can ask is that you and Carolyn continue to make me, the Kennedy family, and yourself proud." John knew that he owed it to his mother and his future wife to push forward for the sake of his family, no matter how hard it was.
John Was Ready To Persevere
After he mourned the loss of his mother, engaged for a year by then, John was ready to take charge. With his fiancé by his side, he announced the launch of his new magazine, George. It was a publication created and intended to meld politics and celebrity news. On the morning after his mother's burial, John was back at his desk.
"He did exactly what Jackie would have done. He went back to work," a friend of John's told Esquire. JFK Jr. cofounded George Magazine with Michael Berman, and launched the project in 1995. The famous Cindy Crawford graced the first cover issue, dressed as George Washington. This was John's bounce back into action.
Carolyn Was In Full Support
Richard Bradley, the then executive editor at George, noted that the magazine launch felt like a victory for John, and Carolyn too, "[Carolyn] was excited about John, about his drive and determination and the fact that he's found something that gave him purpose. She wanted to be with him the whole way."
With his fiancé's support, John felt confident. In 1995, he told Taraborrelli, "Family is family. You can pick the Kennedys apart, and I'm sure you will. But at the end of the day, we're just people trying to understand each other as we share this incredible life we've all been blessed with. It's nothing more than just that."
In The Public Eye
The public saw all that the engaged couple was doing for the Royal family. When friends spent time with them, they "Felt John had really put forth a new power couple in the family," as Bradley explained. They saw that Carolyn was becoming the woman behind the man, and believed Jackie would've been proud too.
Under speculation of strangers across the world, Carolyn ignored the range of women that threw themselves at her fiancé. Unlike many men in his family, including his late father, President John F. Kennedy, Jr. aimed to take his engagement to Carolyn and their future marriage seriously. So, John wasn't too old-fashioned after all.
Carolyn Would Not Become A Pushover
Carolyn admitted to a friend, Stewart Price, how scared she was by things she had seen going on in the family. After he reminded her that John was different, she said, "It's a good thing, too. I know myself and I'm definitely not that pathetic Kennedy wife who'll stay home with the kids while her husband is out screwing around..."
"...No. I'm that pissed off Kennedy wife who'll be in prison because she took matters into her own hands," she reportedly said. Many issues plagued John and Carolyn's union in the following years to come, but by no means was infidelity one of them. Carolyn stood up to John and confronted him to an extent his friends felt he needed.
Hot-Headed
Ex-girlfriends of John knew the truth behind his public fronts. He apparently had an explosive temper that wasn't usually mentioned in the media. Outlets often focused more on his romantic charm, until one February day in Washington Square Park. when John had found out that Carolyn turned to an old ex-boyfriend for support.
Carolyn didn't know what to do when she learned she had experienced a miscarriage. She turned to her ex-boyfriend, even though she knew it risked upsetting John. On that day while walking their dog in the park, the National Enquirer caught evidence of John and Carolyn in a heated argument. Witnesses were shocked.
"You've Got My Ring, You're Not Getting My Dog!"
Things turned from bad to worse when the media caught pictures and videos of the couple in a sudden public screaming match. The video captured Carolyn shove John. He reportedly yelled, "You've got my ring, you're not getting my dog" as he grabbed her wrist and tried to yank her engagement ring off her finger while she held the dog's leash.
John sat down on the curb, and Carolyn knelt next to him. They left the park hand-in-hand soon after. This was all a headache for George's production, but Carolyn, unfortunately, felt most of the wrath. In the video, she looked like the aggressor, which gave her a bad wrap. Friends knew John had a temper, but the public didn't.
Did Carolyn Bring Out The Worst in John?
No matter what happened in their argument, to the public, it looked like Carolyn had brought out the worst in America's young prince. It seemed that she had changed him, which turned many people against her. In the end, it seemed she was more upset with herself than whatever they had argued about. Carolyn began to struggle.
Her life was now under the watchful eye of the world. Paparazzi waited outside of her building, called her names, and taunted her endlessly to try to get a rise out of her. John put on dresses and wings to make a joke of it all but failed to realize how much it took a toll on Carolyn. She wasn't even convinced that he cared.
Advised To Relax As Rumors Worsened
While John dressed up to play pranks on the paparazzi, he told Carolyn to relax and ignore them. After all, camera flashes and crowds outside his door had always been part of his life. Carolyn turned to friends of the couple for advice. They told her that she wouldn't win either way and to encourage John to be more sensitive.
A rumor that the couple had broken off their engagement after John hit Carolyn in the park spread like wildfire, while TV channels made fun of the situation. Their relationship was described by Carolyn's friend Ariel as "Firey." She told People, "They would love hard, and they would fight hard but they were very much a couple."
He Let People Walk All Over Him
Carolyn was angry that John didn't stop swirling rumors. She thought John was a pushover when people asked for favors of him. In the book America's Reluctant Prince: The Life of John F. Kennedy Jr, Gillon wrote, "The cause of this infamous fight stemmed from Carolyn's ongoing complaint that John let people walk all over him."
According to Gillon, Carolyn was mad about a wedding the pair had recently attended for a couple they barely knew. It soon became obvious that the groom bought out coverage of the New York Times society page by asking JFK Jr. to be his best man. Carolyn was furious at John that he wouldn't make a statement by walking out.
Ripple Effect
With drama swirling, Carolyn wanted to feel that her fiance was on her side, but John focused on George. Edward Kennedy, Jr.'s uncle, recalled, "This kind of thing reflected poorly not just on John, but on the entire Kennedy family." He knew John wanted to be seen as a businessman, but what would that mean for his relationship?
Their public outburst had the world on edge, waiting to see what would happen next. John decided to do what he had done throughout his life; He ignored the media and forged his own path. Jr. once said, "People keep telling me I can be a great man. I'd rather be a good one." His fiance yearned for the good man she once knew.
The Kennedy's Stepped In
Carolyn didn't reach out for advice but soon received some from Ethel Kennedy. With one comment came empathy and stern advice, "Be there for your husband, but do not let [him] influence you into bad behavior. [He] will bait you. They always do. I've seen it for years. But you can't take the bait. You must be stronger than that."
Translation: Don't scream at each other in public, period. Ethel continued, "I think you're more powerful than any of the other women John has dated. You know why? Because you're smart, and because you have heart. So don't let John or anyone else change who you are in here." She tapped Carolyn's chest and awoke strength within.
Despite The Drama, They Were Wed
Carolyn and John had enough of the media messing up their lives. They decided to marry in private and pulled it off with 50 people in attendance and only close friends and family in the loop. The lovebirds tied the knot on September 21, 1996, at First African Baptist Church on Cumberland Island, found off the coast of Georgia.
The venue was only reachable by ferry, boat, or helicopter. Carolyn wore a Narciso Rodriguez crepe silk dress and Manolo Blahnik heels, while John sported a dark blue suit and his father's watch. Family photographer Denis Reggie shot the one photo released to the press, of John kissing his bride's hand as they left the church.
They Finally Looped The World In
John and his bride, Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy, pulled off the wedding of the year. John filled in the staff of George, saying, "I just wanted to let you all know that while you were all toiling away, I went and got myself married. I had to be a bit sneaky for reasons that by now I imagine are obvious." So, the next chapter began.
But, that didn't mean the story changed. Their temperaments continued to clash, communication worsened, and the press constantly interjected into their lives. The media searched for a second round of the couple's February outburst in the park. Soon, Carolyn moved from their bedroom into a spare room while John went to a hotel.
Trouble In Paradise
Weeks later, Rory Kennedy was due to be married, and the new bride and groom were expected to attend. However, Carolyn didn't want to go. She still didn't want to spend time with the Kennedy family, one of many things that hadn't changed over the course of their relationship. She wanted to be heard and seen in her marriage.
Carolyn needed to be acknowledged. In a family of loud voices and strong personalities, one thing she learned about being around the Kennedys was that she had to speak up if she ever wanted to be heard. When she spoke her mind, John often let his heated temper get the best of him in bursts of rage.
They Looked Toward Divorce
John was unhappy and once told a friend, "I want to have kids, but whenever I raise the subject with Carolyn, she turns away and refuses to have sex with me," he added, "It's not just about sex, it's impossible to talk to Carolyn about anything. We've become like total strangers." John couldn't pause to read between the lines.
He ended the conversation with his friend by saying, "I've had it with her! It's got to stop. Otherwise we're headed for divorce." Carolyn was actually on the same page about something having to give for things to get better, however, for different reasons. She was struggling with her own demons as a result of their marriage.
Manipulated And Compromised
When Carolyn felt her husband wasn't listening, she turned to a friend for support. The friend later reminisced, "She told me she felt manipulated and compromised as if she had no authority over her own life. She said she was putting John on probation. 'I'm going to give it three more months and see how I feel,' she said."
Carolyn admitted to her friend that she might have been over-dramatizing the situation, but she needed "A cooling-off period and that in a few months, she'd have more clarity. They'd been having a lot of marital problems lately, she said, and she was worn down by then." John grew worried as the couple began marriage counseling.
Carolyn Was On Her Own
Space from their home was what Carolyn needed. In July 1997, she went to Milan to attend Gianni Versace's funeral. She sat behind one of the world's leading ladies, Princess Diana. 5 Weeks later, Diana tragically lost her life in a car crash while trying to avoid paparazzi, which shook Carolyn to her core.
The incident brought the newlyweds back together, as John realized Carolyn needed his support. During this time, he told his friend, Billy Noonan, "I'm not sure what I'm going to do about Carolyn; she's really spooked now." This proved to be valid, as 3 years later, the Kennedy's went to church for a different kind of occasion.
John's New Hobby
With so much going on, John explored hobbies to keep his mind busy. He took up flying and told friends that piloting his plane was one of the few places he truly felt free. John always tried to go faster, higher, or further than most while in flight, something his mother begged him not to do when she was alive.
Time would tell that mom knew best. A friend of John's once said, "He literally wanted an escape from being on the ground, where the pressures on him were so immense." As it turned out, Carolyn had been on the same page as Jackie, and didn't want John to become a pilot. She never flew with him without an instructor, until...
"I Don't Trust Him"
Carolyn knew how absentminded John was. He always lost his wallet or keys, and she worried about his in-flight attention span. "I don't trust him," she told a waitress at the Martha's Vineyard airport. Despite her lack of confidence in John's ability, Carolyn agreed to attend Rory's wedding, with the flight instructor present.
John had said that he would never make his wife attend another big Kennedy event but was secretly thrilled she was coming to this one. Carolyn's sister, Lauren, was due to fly with the couple, which comforted her greatly. Things soon took a turn for the worse, as John decided to fly without his instructor present. First mistake.
John's Plan
With his marriage experiencing turbulence and his company, George, in serious financial trouble, John created a plan to hit 2 birds with 1 stone. He planned to show Carolyn his determination to mend their relationship while away at Rory's wedding weekend, while also dedicating time to work relationships that could save George.
Confident that he could put his plan into action to save his marriage and his company, John prepared for his flight, maybe too confidently. The next day the couple and his sister-in-law were due to fly. That Friday morning, the three met at the small airport and waited for the flight instructor. But unfortunately, he canceled.
The Day That Changed Everything
John, who had had his pilot's license for just over a year at that point, didn't arrange for anyone to take his place and decided to begin his pre-flight preparations anyway. Carolyn and Lauren were uncomfortable with this situation, but Carolyn, exhausted from fighting, kept quiet. She didn't want to escalate any stress levels.
John was cleared for takeoff at 8:38 pm. As soon as they were in flight, John became disoriented with the amount of haze in the sky. By 9:26 pm they hit 5,600 feet and headed out over the Atlantic. By 10:05 pm, air traffic control on the vineyard radioed that the plane hadn't arrived. Those on the ground began to worry.
John Panicked
Under those conditions, an experienced pilot might've looked out their window to get their bearings and level out their plane. But, John didn’t have that option and wasn't an experienced pilot. He couldn't see anything, and for almost 5 minutes, descended at a steep rate until the plane was just 2,300 feet above the Atlantic.
By 3:00 am on July 17, 1999, the world caught word that the Kennedy's plane was officially missing. The next day, Coast Guard officials said for the first time that the family members were likely dead. On July 21, Navy divers recovered their bodies from the Atlantic, still strapped to their seats.
Their Memories and Love Story Lived On
There was trouble within the Kennedy family as they found the best way to honor John and Carolyn in the wake of the accident. Ultimately, the three were cremated. Their ashes were placed in Tiffany-blue boxes and scattered off the coast of the vineyard on July 22, 1999. Ted Kennedy lovingly delivered their eulogies on July 23.
Ted expressed that Carolyn had always fit right in despite family issues, which was how John wanted her to feel. And maybe, if they had been given more time than a mere 5 years together, a different picture would have eventually emerged. Instead, the world has since remembered the tragically romantic story for the past 21 years.