These Best Friends Are Platonically Married and Raising a Son – And Couldn’t Be Happier!

Stories

| LAST UPDATE 05/22/2022

By Riley Hammond

As younger generations stray away from the idea of a traditional wedding, more people are turning to platonic marriages. Two best friends, Krystle and Jay, are showing the rest of us how it's done…

Facing the Facts

They say marriage is one big roller coaster ride. Considering the many ups and downs it seems to always have, one thing married couples will often say is that their relationships aren't without hardships.

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Instagram via @thelovelyjaybird

However, one thing experts can agree on is that "well-being effects of marriage are about twice as large for those whose spouse is also their best friend." And that's exactly how it went for two female best friends from Long Island, who decided a platonic marriage was the best choice for them.

Traditional Marriages

Since humans are social animals, we usually find ourselves gravitating towards friends, family members, or even strangers, whose company we enjoy more than others. And when we finally find that one person who we always want by our side, we make it official.

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Instagram via @thelovelyjaybird

Hence the concept of marriage. As most of us know, traditional marriages have always been about indicating a long-term commitment to someone - usually someone we find physically drawn to. But there's also an alternative idea we don't encounter nearly as much...

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"Platonic Love"

Platonic marriages - although nowhere near as mainstream as traditional marriages - have been around for a long time. In fact, the Florentine scholar Marsilio Ficino coined the term amor platonicus, which is Latin for "platonic love," back in the 15th century.

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Instagram via @thelovelyjaybird

Simply put, this type of marriage involves a union between two people who have a spiritual or intellectual connection with one another rather than a physical one. And although - historically speaking - it may be less traditional, it seems to be gaining more popularity in recent years.

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A Rising Trend

In fact, in 2021, The New York Times reported that there'd been a growing trend for platonic marriages among the younger generation. Perhaps the blame falls on the widespread feeling of loneliness amid the Covid-19 pandemic or the increasing difficulty for young adults to find romantic matches...

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Instagram via @thelovelyjaybird

Either way, it seems there's a growing number of people who are giving platonic marriages some serious thought. One such couple is Jay and Krystle Guercio: two best friends who promised to stick by each other's side, for better or worse. But where did it all begin?

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Meet Jay and Krystle

Jay and Krystle Guercio seem to have really gotten the best out of platonic love. "My best friend and I, of eight years, got married, had a commitment ceremony, whatever you wanted to call it, but we did this because we wanted to raise kids together," Jay explained in a video that's now going viral on social media.

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Instagram via @thelovelyjaybird

Jay describes herself as a "hopeless romantic" and shared that she got out of an "unhealthy relationship" with a previous partner in 2019. But since then, her life seems to have changed for the better - Jay currently studies communications and has built a stable life with Krystle, who's an assistant manager at an ice cream shop.

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How They Met

So, how did their friendship ultimately evolve into a marriage? The two met back in 2012 at Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth, an LGBTQ center. "We started volunteering together, and she made me feel appreciated and cared for," Jay told The New York Post.

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Bill Tompkins / Contributor via Getty Images

The 23-year-old told her viewers that she and Krystle became close friends after the two met at the center. She shared how they would go to theme parks together and spend their time talking and sharing their past experiences dealing with "toxic exes."

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Toxic Tendencies

Jay shared the story of a past relationship with her TikTok followers, saying that this ex of hers was particularly "toxic." She compared her life today and the previous situation she'd been in, pointing out the journey of personal growth she'd gone through to get where she is.

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Instagram via @thelovelyjaybird

"I was in a very toxic relationship that ended in late 2019, and over 2020 I was on the quest for my next grand love story, and throughout this quest, I realized that my next grand love story might not actually exist," she explained. Little did she know, her friendship with Krystle was about to get an upgrade...

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Instant Connection

"We spent a lot of our formidable years becoming friends, riding roller coasters, going on adventures," Krystle told talk show host Tamron Hall. "We have snapchats of us, like, singing in the car at the top of our lungs. Those are the moments where our friendship really started to, like, solidify."

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

But there was more to their friendship than that. Not only did they enjoy spending time together, but their "goals aligned so perfectly," according to Jay. She and Krystle would share how they each had dreams of becoming an adoptive parent and raising a child in need of a home.

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A Child in Need

Towards the end of 2019, around the time of Jay's breakup from her "toxic" partner, she met a boy named Eddie (whose last name hasn't been announced to protect his privacy) through a friend. Soon enough, she learned that the 16-year-old boy was looking for a home...

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Instagram via @thelovelyjaybird

Deciding to open her own home to the teenager in need, Jay adopted Eddie a few months after she met him. "As one does, I called my best friend," Jay said, referring to the moment she decided to tell Krystle about her decision. Little did she know...

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The Proposal

Jay's phone call to Krystle started out as one friend telling another some major news, but suddenly, Krystle had a proposal that changed everything. "She said, 'Hold on, let's do this together,'" Jay recalled her best friend telling her over the phone.

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Youtube via Tamron Hall Show

Krystle suggested that the two women take on the huge responsibility together. Although Jay has mentioned that she and Krystle used to "joke around about getting married and raising kids together," the two of them started to see that this might just be the best decision they ever made…

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Becoming Mrs. & Mrs.

The two best friends decided that the best way to raise Eddie together in the most stable and loving way possible was under the same roof. "We wanted to live our lives by each other's side. I couldn't imagine living the life I live without her by my side," she continued. 

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Instagram via @thelovelyjaybird

But for this duo, it wasn't just about moving in together. They wanted to emphasize their commitment to one another and the life-changing journey they were about to embark upon together. They decided the best way to do this was by having a platonic marriage.

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A Serious Commitment

Several of their followers wondered why the two women didn't just decide to live together - and asked why they tied the knot. Apparently, tax benefits and rights regarding medical decisions were important factors in helping the two make their big decision.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

"I want our relationship to be valued and taken seriously," said Jay. She pointed out that marriage doesn't necessarily have to involve romantic or sexual feelings to be valid. The most important thing to this couple is their commitment towards one another. "This is my wife and partner," Jay added.

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Telling Their Families

But they weren't ready to tell their families just yet. "Everyone who came to your wedding - including your families - they didn't know that this was a platonic marriage, you hadn't told them the details," Tamron Hall said to the couple, and their explanation only confirmed their dedication to their relationship.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

"At first, we were very hesitant to explain that our relationship was platonic," Jay began to explain, before Krystle continued with, "a lot of people don't put relationships that aren't romantic on the same level that they put other relationships, and we kind of wanted to make sure people took us seriously."

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Their Wedding

Although their marriage was nowhere near conventional, the couple did have a traditional-style wedding. It included wedding dresses, rings, and even wedding vows that the couple wrote themselves. Their foster son even went with them to pick out their rings.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

A rose-shaped ring for Jay, in acknowledgment of the couple's favorite Disney movie, Beauty and the Beast, and an Irish Claddagh ring for Krystle, representing "friendship, trust, and loyalty." After their wedding, the couple opted for a trip to a waterpark instead of having a honeymoon.

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Perfect Partners

However, traditional marriage or not, the couple certainly knows what they're doing. "When you enter into a platonic relationship, it's usually to meet similar life goals i.e. parenting. I think Krystle and I are going to last because we work well together as a team, as co-parents," Jay shared.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

"[I am] never jealous or insecure with her, and I feel just as fulfilled as I ever have been, if not more than when I have been in a romantic relationship," she continued. It looks like this couple has a lot of good things to say about their platonic marriage.

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Different Responsibilities

The couple shared the secret to their success - they "balance each other out." Jay explains to her viewers, "If we bought a bookshelf from Ikea, I would not touch it - I'm not building that, that's all her," pointing to Krystle, who laughed in response. But she did add that she cooks dinner, so they've got it all worked out.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybir

As for bills, doctor's appointments, and paperwork for Eddie's school, Jay's apparently got it all covered. Meanwhile, when it comes to taking out the garbage and taking care of other physical jobs that need to be finished around the house, Krystle happily gets it done.

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Raising Their Son

The platonic couple, who live in Deer Park and together raise their 16-year-old son Eddie, told their viewers that he's as happy as any other teenager his age. "He doesn't deal with the fighting that happens among romantic partners," Jay said, explaining that having a stable environment is important for the family.

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Instagram via @thelovelyjaybird

"And he never accidentally walks in on anything inappropriate," she added, referring to the fact that the couple's marriage is completely platonic. When asked by Tamron Hall how they "navigate co-parenting as platonic parents," the couple had a solid answer...

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The Key to Success

"Communication," said Jay through cupped hands, indicating the importance of being open with her partner. They stressed how important this concept is even just between friends, let alone parents who are taking on the responsibility of raising children.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

"So what I love about us and the fact that we're friends is that the things that exist in a romantic relationship - those issues that can arise - don't arise with us," Jay continued, naming "kids," "family," and "making stability" as the couple's first priority.

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Sleeping Arrangements

Another thing these two best friends do, just like any other married couple, is share a bed - but not for the reasons one might think. According to Jay and Krystle, they sleep in the same bed because it makes a lot more financial sense for them at this point in their lives.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

However, it looks like pretty soon, these two might be looking to have separate rooms in the future because their "personal space and downtime is very important" to them. And although they do share a bed, Jay and Krystle made it clear that they don't feel attracted to one another…

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No Physical Attraction?

Make no mistake, there's a lot of love in Jay and Krystle's home, just not the kind people would normally associate with marriage. "When I say we're not romantically or physically involved, what I just mean is that I don't feel like I'm like deeply, madly head over heels in love with her," Jay explained to the viewers.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

"I don't have the desire to kiss her. I'm not physically attracted to her where I want to sleep with her — and she feels the same about me," she continued. Despite viewers pointing out the possibility that these two might one day change their minds, the couple insists it won't happen.

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Affectionate but Not Attracted

Referring to any potential attraction to Krystle, Jay explained, "It's not there. That connection - that attraction - is not there, and I don't ever foresee it developing. Like, I've been by her side for so many years now - if there was that attraction or that connection, it would have happened already."

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

She went on to explain that she and her wife are "very affectionate," but it's not necessarily sexual in nature. She also added that sometimes, when out together in public, the two may "hold hands" or might "cuddle on the couch" after a long day, but that's where they draw the line.

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A Marriage That Works

Jay and Krystle have really changed the way that people view platonic marriages. "Sex and intimacy are important to a lot of people, but not to us," they explained to those listening to their story. But the lack of these feelings in their relationship has nothing to do with their love for one another.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

"I trust her, I appreciate her, we work together, we are partners, we make decisions together, we act as a married couple does, but we don't have the romantic or physical stuff," Jay explained in a TikTok video that has gone viral on the social media platform.

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Dating Other People

However, another question people were asking was: do these two date other people outside of their marriage? "If only dating were that easy," Jay said with a laugh, citing the pandemic, being busy with her family, and dating as a queer person as the primary reasons.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

But if it ever were to happen at one point in their marriage, Jay claims the couple will be ready to talk about it. She explained they are "open to people kind of being involved in our dynamic and our relationship, but we're also understanding of each other's space and boundaries."

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Passing the Test

However, the couple did make sure to mention that any new partner would have to pass the "best friend test." According to these two, it's important that they approve of each other's new partners, and Krystle had a solid explanation for why that is so...

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Instagram via @thelovelyjaybird

"Because of our unique relationship, somebody coming into our lives - either one of us - would have to pass more standards because it's not just, you know, 'you're dating my best friend' - you're dating my wife, you're dating the mother of my child," Krystle said.

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"Date" Nights

One thing this couple does make sure to make time for is quality time spent as a family. Jay described what a typical evening looks like for the couple and their son, saying they spend their free time together pretty much just like any other family out there.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

"At night, she'll play a video game, and I'll go on TikTok or watch a TV show," Jay shared, referring to her wife. "Every so often, we go out to dinner, and we like to plan quality time since we don't feel the need to be in each other's spaces all the time."

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An "Unconditional" Love

But perhaps the most reassuring thing about this unique couple is that they have a bond they're confident can't be broken. "We have ten years invested in our friendship," Krystle explained, adding, "we wouldn't have made this plunge if we weren't solidified in where we are."

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

Jay also confirmed her partner's words, saying, "I'm not afraid of losing Krystle," and describing their love as "unconditional." She says that not having the complications that come with romantic relationships - such as sex and cheating - "solidifies their commitment" a lot more.

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Becoming Public Figures

The couple's unique story has become well-known on social media, thanks to one particular TikTok video that went viral on the platform. Since it was posted, Jay and Krystle have gained nearly 50,000 followers, who follow the family of three on their journey in their platonic marriage.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

The couple takes the time to answer their viewers' questions and clear up any confusion they may have about the family's relationship dynamics. Jay also told her followers that she encourages them to "give [a platonic marriage] a shot," adding, "You never know."

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Asking the Important Questions

Hundreds of Jay's followers have expressed their support for an untraditional marriage like this couple has. One user wrote, "You bring me so much comfort," while another person called their decision to get married "the most beautiful love story." Awww.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

"Why do we believe that romantic relationships are the ultimate and most important ones in our life?" Jay said. She's also shared with her followers, "I want people to think about intimacy in ways that aren't just sexually based," saying platonic marriages are just as valid as any other relationship between consenting adults.

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Changing the Future of Marriage

Users in the comments sections of Jay's videos agreed that the conversation and norms around relationships and marriage are definitely changing. "Family can be defined in many different ways," one person wrote, while another said, "Best decision we ever made."

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

With the younger generation moving away from societal norms and ditching labels, it appears that platonic marriages could be a bigger part of the future than any of us thought. And what's certain is that this family has managed to hold on to what's most important for themselves and their son: trust, honesty, and communication.

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One Happy Family

Through it all, one thing remains at the core of this couple's relationship: love. "The best part about her being my absolute best friend in the world is at the core, we love each other and want to support each other no matter what," Jay explained to her followers.

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TikTok via @thelovelyjaybird

So it looks like for this couple, the haters can hate all they want - nothing will ever come between these two. "I am in the healthiest relationship I've ever been in my life, with a more beautiful family than I could've ever imagined," Jay shared - and we love to see it.

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