25+ Useless Valentine's Day Gift Ideas For The Person Who Swears They Want Nothing (But We Know Better)!
| LAST UPDATE 02/16/2023
Are you tired of searching for the perfect gift for someone special who insists they don't want anything this Valentine's day? Well, fear not, we've compiled a list of over 25 useless - and sometimes comical - gifts they won't resist. Whether it's a funny gift or something out of the left field, you'll be sure to find something here that'll get at least a laugh - if not much more! So don't wait any longer, check out our list and show your love in the most useless way possible this Valentine's day.
yofit Da Vinci Code Mini Cryptex
If you're looking for the perfect Valentine's Day gift this year and want to really show your creativity and thoughtfulness, then you need to get your hands on the yofit Da Vinci Code Mini Cryptex! This unique gift is sure to impress with its intricate design and cool color scheme.
Naughty Funny Bathroom Towel
If you're looking for a funny and unique gift this Valentine's Day, how about something naughty? This Naughty Funny Bathroom Towel is sure to set a mischievous tone with its humorous "Do Not Disturb" phrase. With its vibrant color and cheeky attitude, it's the perfect way to add some humor to an otherwise cliche holiday.
Yodeling Pickle
Nothing says 'I love you' this Valentine's Day quite like a yodeling pickle! This unique and unexpected gift is sure to surprise and delight. Handcrafted from genuine yodeling wood, the Yodeling Pickle is perfect for pickle fans and aspiring yodelers alike.
Romantic Toilet Paper
Valentine's Day gifts can be fun or lame, depending on the recipient's sense of humor. For those who like a good laugh, novelty toilet paper is a great idea – it might be romantic poo, but it's still loads better than buying something boring. And for the ultimate statement in Valentine's gift-giving, how about some 3-ply romance paper? It looks hilarious and brings a smile to anyone's face.
Grow a Boyfriend
Don't know what to get your significant other for Valentine's Day? Get them the gift that keeps on giving: The Forum Novelties Grow a Boyfriend! With just an ounce of water per day, it'll take up to 10 days for this funny little friend to grow into a full-on companion!
WHOOP ASS EXTRA STRENGTH! Original Can of Whoop Ass
Do you have that special someone in your life who needs a little extra ‘whoop-ass’ in their day? Then the WHOOP ASS EXTRA STRENGTH! Original Can of Whoop Ass is the perfect gift this Valentine’s Day. This metal can of attitude comes with its own retro packaging: a throwback to the days when brawls meant more than just having a laugh.
Calary Useless Box
Who needs a teddy bear or bouquet of flowers when you can give that special someone the perfect Valentine's Day gift – the Calary Useless Box! The Useless Box may look like any other innocuous cardboard box, but when opened, it reveals a little surprise - an on/off switch.
The Gift of Nothing
Looking for a way to make them laugh this Valentine's Day? The Super Funny Useless Valentine's Day Gift by Witty Yeti is the perfect present. Say goodbye to boring gifts - no more ties, mugs, or thoughtful books. Instead, surprise your special someone with this hilarious practical joke!
Witty Yeti Dehydrated Water Can
Don't get your significant other just another run of the mill Valentine's Day gift this February! Give them something more meaningful and unique - like a 16oz can of Witty Yeti Dehydrated Water! After all, what better way to show your love than with a product that has 25-year shelf life?
AnnoyingPCB
Have you ever felt like someone was trying to prank you for days on end? Well, with AnnoyingPCB, that nightmare can become a reality! This technological marvel is the ultimate prank device – it's been crafted to emit a loud beeping sound every ten seconds and won't turn off...for three years!
Leonardo da Vinci Catapult Kit
Now that Valentine's Day is here, it can be hard to come up with the perfect gift for your special someone. If you're looking for something unique but not quite useful, then you should consider gifting the Leonardo da Vinci Catapult Kit! This wooden kit contains all the pieces required to construct a miniature version of da Vinci's original invention.
Blinker Fluid
If you're looking for something silly and unique to get your friends or family this Valentine's Day, look no further than a Hand Held Version of Blinker Fluid! It may seem like an unusual gift choice, but it is the perfect gag gift for any car enthusiast in your life or anyone who loves a good prank.
Donut Holster Gift Box Wrap
Forget about cliche boxes of chocolate and wilted roses this Valentine's Day. Serve up a hearty dose of laughter with the Donut Holster Gift Box! Authentically designed to look like a holster, it will have your sweetheart in stitches before they even open the box.
The Totally Awesome Book of Useless Information
Whether you're searching for a gag gift for a sarcastic friend or looking for something to get your single self for Valentine's Day, The Totally Awesome Book of Useless Information is the perfect fit. This practical book is filled with fun facts that you never knew you wanted to know and needlessly in-depth facts on some of life's most mundane activities.
Knock Knock What I Love about You
Knock Knock's What I Love About You Book is the perfect Valentine's Day gift for that special someone who you want to put a smile on (but are running out of ideas)! We all know that typical options such as chocolates and flowers aren't always a hit, so why not surprise your significant other with something unique and fun? This cute fill-in-the-blank book allows you to showcase what you love most about them on each page.
Luna Bean Hand Casting Kit
Do you really want your Valentine to know that you think their hands are worth preserving in plaster? If so, the Luna Bean Hand Casting Kit is just what you need! This kit provides everything needed to make a special, unique, and hilarious cast of your beloved’s hand.
Matching Heart Brick Keychain
If you thought it couldn't get any cheesier than a couple's matching sweatshirt for Valentine's Day, think again. The couple's matching heart brick keychain is the epitome of cheesy gifts for couples on Valentine's Day.
Funny Couple kitchen Aprons
When it comes to Valentine's Day, some couples like to go all out and buy each other lavish gifts. But for others, the holiday is more about having a good laugh together. If you and your partner fall into the latter category, why not get each other funny couple kitchen aprons?
Cheese Printer Wrap
Looking for a unique and hilarious way to surprise your loved one on Valentine's Day? How about gifting them the Cheese Printer Wrap? The dramatic presentation will comfort them in knowing there is something more acceptable underneath - but until then, make their heart skip a beat with anticipation of what delightful cheese-printed treat awaits them.
Urban Accents MOVIE NIGHT Pack
Make Valentine's Day extra special this year with the Urban Accents Movie Night Pack. Show your loved one you care by providing them with an entertaining night in front of the biggest screen of all--their own TV!
Infmetry Capsule Letters
Give your special someone a present that nobody else can give this Valentine's Day - Infmetry Capsule Letters! Set aside a few store-bought gifts, and instead, write down the memorable moments and inside jokes shared between you both over the course of your relationship in capsule letters.
da Vinci's Room Mystery Date - Staying in Edition
Are you looking for an exciting alternative to hopelessly boring dinner dates this Valentine's Day? Why not try the Da Vinci Room Mystery Date Staying-in Edition? This at-home version of the popular mystery solver game has everything a couple needs to have a fun and engaging evening. It's a great way to challenge your mind and discover the hidden secrets of the Renaissance painter, minus all the hassle of having to leave your own home.
Miniature Violin
Forget candy and roses this Valentine's Day! Get your special someone something as unique as it is mysterious - a miniature violin. Measuring a mere four inches in length, this beautiful stringed instrument is a fraction of the size of its full-scale counterparts but looks just as good.
How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives Book
If you're looking for the purrrfect Valentine's Day gift for your beloved feline this year, a book about gun safety might not sound like the most romantic pick. But Hearst Publishing's "How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety" uniquely provides cats - and their humans - with an essential guide to keeping kitty safe from weapons, as well as abstaining from drugs and staying far away from Satanism.
Titleist Pro V1 Custom Golf Ball
Get your beau the perfect Valentine's Day gift this year—a Titleist Pro V1 custom golf ball! Nothing says "I love you" like a personalized gift, especially when it comes to golf. Show your special someone that you care enough to invest in a quality logoed product from one of the premier names in golf.
Love Note Messenger
There are plenty of useless Valentine's Day gifts you could give your loved one, but why not go for something unique and special? The Love Note Messenger is here to save the day! Imagine being able to send your adored companion a cute personal message with the click of a button.
50 First Dates - Scratch Off Dating Book for Couples
Celebrate your relationship with a fun and whimsical twist on Valentine's Day this year with the 50 First Dates Scratch Off Dating Book for Couples! With fifty prompts that invite couples to get creative on their date nights, this book stands out as a perfect gift for any couple looking to break out of the ordinary.
Love Coupon Cards
If you're looking for a unique Valentine's Day gift, why not get creative and make your own love coupon cards? They don't have to be over the top or anything, just something small such as movie tickets or a night of gaming could show your special someone how much you care.
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