25+ Useless Valentine's Day Gift Ideas For The Person Who Swears They Want Nothing (But We Know Better)!

Are you tired of searching for the perfect gift for someone special who insists they don't want anything this Valentine's day? Well, fear not, we've compiled a list of over 25 useless - and sometimes comical - gifts they won't resist. Whether it's a funny gift or something out of the left field, you'll be sure to find something here that'll get at least a laugh - if not much more! So don't wait any longer, check out our list and show your love in the most useless way possible this Valentine's day.

yofit Da Vinci Code Mini Cryptex

If you're looking for the perfect Valentine's Day gift this year and want to really show your creativity and thoughtfulness, then you need to get your hands on the yofit Da Vinci Code Mini Cryptex! This unique gift is sure to impress with its intricate design and cool color scheme.

It adds a touch of mystery as your valentine must solve their own little puzzle just to gain access to what may lie hidden within. So don't wait – surprise your special someone today with the yofit Da Vinci Code Mini Cryptex and make this Valentine's Day one to remember!
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Naughty Funny Bathroom Towel

If you're looking for a funny and unique gift this Valentine's Day, how about something naughty? This Naughty Funny Bathroom Towel is sure to set a mischievous tone with its humorous "Do Not Disturb" phrase. With its vibrant color and cheeky attitude, it's the perfect way to add some humor to an otherwise cliche holiday.

And while this towel might not be the most traditional present, it'll definitely be your sweetheart’s favorite accessory in the bath or at a pool party. Skip the boring chocolates and fluffy teddy bears - make Valentine’s Day extra special with a naughty bathroom towel this year!
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Yodeling Pickle

Nothing says 'I love you' this Valentine's Day quite like a yodeling pickle! This unique and unexpected gift is sure to surprise and delight. Handcrafted from genuine yodeling wood, the Yodeling Pickle is perfect for pickle fans and aspiring yodelers alike.

Gift it with candles, roses, or an original song - whatever strikes your fancy! Give a gift they won't soon forget with the Yodeling Pickl - guaranteed to be the most talked about present this Valentine's Day!
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Romantic Toilet Paper

Valentine's Day gifts can be fun or lame, depending on the recipient's sense of humor. For those who like a good laugh, novelty toilet paper is a great idea – it might be romantic poo, but it's still loads better than buying something boring. And for the ultimate statement in Valentine's gift-giving, how about some 3-ply romance paper? It looks hilarious and brings a smile to anyone's face. 

So this year, why not skip out on the traditional chocolates and jewelry, and instead put your money towards something that shows your loved one you really care...by getting them some humorous yet practical items they can use all year round.
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Grow a Boyfriend

Don't know what to get your significant other for Valentine's Day? Get them the gift that keeps on giving: The Forum Novelties Grow a Boyfriend! With just an ounce of water per day, it'll take up to 10 days for this funny little friend to grow into a full-on companion!

It may not be able to speak or carry out complex tasks, but at least you can always be assured that this one will never betray you. Who knows - if taken care of properly, it might even bring a smile to your valentine's face…or else it could end up just looking like yet another useless Valentine's Day gift.
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WHOOP ASS EXTRA STRENGTH! Original Can of Whoop Ass

Do you have that special someone in your life who needs a little extra ‘whoop-ass’ in their day? Then the WHOOP ASS EXTRA STRENGTH! Original Can of Whoop Ass is the perfect gift this Valentine’s Day. This metal can of attitude comes with its own retro packaging: a throwback to the days when brawls meant more than just having a laugh.

Whether your sweetheart is trying to collect every knick-knack on the market or they just like being extra prepared for anything, this unique gift will give them that special something that guarantees laughter and takes any occasion to the next level!
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Calary Useless Box

Who needs a teddy bear or bouquet of flowers when you can give that special someone the perfect Valentine's Day gift – the Calary Useless Box! The Useless Box may look like any other innocuous cardboard box, but when opened, it reveals a little surprise - an on/off switch.

Sure it won't bring them any joy, but watching their face as they repeatedly flick the switch, and nothing happens is sure to have you both in stitches! The perfect useless Valentine's Day gift for anyone who doesn't take life too seriously.
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The Gift of Nothing

Looking for a way to make them laugh this Valentine's Day? The Super Funny Useless Valentine's Day Gift by Witty Yeti is the perfect present. Say goodbye to boring gifts - no more ties, mugs, or thoughtful books. Instead, surprise your special someone with this hilarious practical joke!

With The Gift of Nothing Gag Gift, you will have your beloved one in stitches and rolling around with laughter. It's guaranteed to be the hit of any party - especially on February 14th! So don't miss out on an opportunity to show them how much fun you can have together, and order The Super Funny Useless Valentine's Day Gift today.
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Witty Yeti Dehydrated Water Can

Don't get your significant other just another run of the mill Valentine's Day gift this February! Give them something more meaningful and unique - like a 16oz can of Witty Yeti Dehydrated Water! After all, what better way to show your love than with a product that has 25-year shelf life?

Its compact size makes it easy to store or take it on the go, and the humorous design is sure to bring everyone a good chuckle. With its thoughtful sentiment and creative packaging, give a gift that truly stands out this holiday season!
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AnnoyingPCB

Have you ever felt like someone was trying to prank you for days on end? Well, with AnnoyingPCB, that nightmare can become a reality! This technological marvel is the ultimate prank device – it's been crafted to emit a loud beeping sound every ten seconds and won't turn off...for three years! 

That's right, AnnoyingPCB won't stop beeping, no matter how hard you try. So if ever you find yourself in need of the perfect revenge weapon, or just the ultimate Valentine's Day prank gift to your special someone this year, look no further than AnnoyingPCB!
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Leonardo da Vinci Catapult Kit

Now that Valentine's Day is here, it can be hard to come up with the perfect gift for your special someone. If you're looking for something unique but not quite useful, then you should consider gifting the Leonardo da Vinci Catapult Kit! This wooden kit contains all the pieces required to construct a miniature version of da Vinci's original invention. 

It may not be practical or necessary, but it is sure to bring smiles and laughter from anyone receiving it - a guaranteed sign that they appreciate your thoughtfulness! Perfect as an unconventional yet still romantic present this Valentine’s Day.
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Blinker Fluid

If you're looking for something silly and unique to get your friends or family this Valentine's Day, look no further than a Hand Held Version of Blinker Fluid! It may seem like an unusual gift choice, but it is the perfect gag gift for any car enthusiast in your life or anyone who loves a good prank.

Not only is it sure to bring a smile to their face, but also, it's small enough to fit perfectly into a stocking stuffer for even more fun on February 14th! Get yours now and be ready for guaranteed laughs from everyone.
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Donut Holster Gift Box Wrap

Forget about cliche boxes of chocolate and wilted roses this Valentine's Day. Serve up a hearty dose of laughter with the Donut Holster Gift Box! Authentically designed to look like a holster, it will have your sweetheart in stitches before they even open the box.

Not only is it guaranteed to be a truly unique gift, but you can also use it to hide the real present inside – turning any boring ol' present into an adventure! With its funny gag design, the Donut Holster Gift Box is sure to put smiles on faces all around. Go on - make someone's Valentine's Day extra special with a gift that packs some serious chuckles!
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The Totally Awesome Book of Useless Information

Whether you're searching for a gag gift for a sarcastic friend or looking for something to get your single self for Valentine's Day, The Totally Awesome Book of Useless Information is the perfect fit. This practical book is filled with fun facts that you never knew you wanted to know and needlessly in-depth facts on some of life's most mundane activities.

With topics ranging from how many breaths a goldfish takes in one day to why people blush, this book is sure to fill your day with joy, laughter, and lots of head-scratching. So if you want an exciting way to celebrate Valentine's Day while also getting yourself a truly useless present, grab The Totally Awesome Book of Useless Information today!
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Knock Knock What I Love about You

Knock Knock's What I Love About You Book is the perfect Valentine's Day gift for that special someone who you want to put a smile on (but are running out of ideas)! We all know that typical options such as chocolates and flowers aren't always a hit, so why not surprise your significant other with something unique and fun? This cute fill-in-the-blank book allows you to showcase what you love most about them on each page.

With its vibrant illustrations, this book is sure to bring some giggles along with all of the love it exudes. Give your loved one and yourself some stress relief this Valentine's Day, and go above and beyond with this thoughtful yet funny gift!
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Luna Bean Hand Casting Kit

Do you really want your Valentine to know that you think their hands are worth preserving in plaster? If so, the Luna Bean Hand Casting Kit is just what you need! This kit provides everything needed to make a special, unique, and hilarious cast of your beloved’s hand.

The kit includes non-toxic material that creates beautiful results that makes an interesting display piece. Whether looking for a unique gift or an inside joke, the Luna Bean Hand Casting Kit is sure to be one of the most overlooked gifts this Valentine’s Day.
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Matching Heart Brick Keychain

If you thought it couldn't get any cheesier than a couple's matching sweatshirt for Valentine's Day, think again. The couple's matching heart brick keychain is the epitome of cheesy gifts for couples on Valentine's Day.

These awkward-looking heart bricks are supposed to be held together to form a matching pair, but it's hard not to feel a sense of pity for the person that received one as a gift. If you thought your stress over gift-giving was done after finding something special, skip the embarrassment and avoid buying these!
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Funny Couple kitchen Aprons

When it comes to Valentine's Day, some couples like to go all out and buy each other lavish gifts. But for others, the holiday is more about having a good laugh together. If you and your partner fall into the latter category, why not get each other funny couple kitchen aprons?

That way, you can both share a laugh while you're cooking up a romantic meal together. Plus, it'll be an amusing reminder of your special day every time you use them.
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Cheese Printer Wrap

Looking for a unique and hilarious way to surprise your loved one on Valentine's Day? How about gifting them the Cheese Printer Wrap? The dramatic presentation will comfort them in knowing there is something more acceptable underneath - but until then, make their heart skip a beat with anticipation of what delightful cheese-printed treat awaits them.

The best part? With this wrap, being creative can go beyond the standard 'box and ribbon' paired with cards. Let your loved one be pleasantly surprised and give them an extra dose of laughter as they unwrap their authentic prank present.
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Urban Accents MOVIE NIGHT Pack

Make Valentine's Day extra special this year with the Urban Accents Movie Night Pack. Show your loved one you care by providing them with an entertaining night in front of the biggest screen of all--their own TV!

With kettle, cinema-style, and even cheddar cheese flavors available, you can't go wrong when it comes to trying something new. Enjoy snuggling up on the couch for some much-needed quality time together (ideally with a bowl of popcorn at each end!).
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Infmetry Capsule Letters

Give your special someone a present that nobody else can give this Valentine's Day - Infmetry Capsule Letters! Set aside a few store-bought gifts, and instead, write down the memorable moments and inside jokes shared between you both over the course of your relationship in capsule letters.

Place each letter in its own decorative envelope, and the combination of them all will create a meaningful memento that your significant other can open up and revisit whenever they'd like for years to come! Start writing today and show your love just how thoughtful you are this Valentine's Day!
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da Vinci's Room Mystery Date - Staying in Edition

Are you looking for an exciting alternative to hopelessly boring dinner dates this Valentine's Day? Why not try the Da Vinci Room Mystery Date Staying-in Edition? This at-home version of the popular mystery solver game has everything a couple needs to have a fun and engaging evening. It's a great way to challenge your mind and discover the hidden secrets of the Renaissance painter, minus all the hassle of having to leave your own home.

A perfect combination of all kinds of "nerdy" elements like code-breaking, history, puzzles, creative problem solving, and team work will make your special night even more romantic - all while living as if you were in 15th-century Italy!
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Miniature Violin

Forget candy and roses this Valentine's Day! Get your special someone something as unique as it is mysterious - a miniature violin. Measuring a mere four inches in length, this beautiful stringed instrument is a fraction of the size of its full-scale counterparts but looks just as good.

Adorning your desk or shelf with such an impressive miniature figure is sure to be a conversation starter and keepsake both you and your valentine can appreciate for years to come!
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How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives Book

If you're looking for the purrrfect Valentine's Day gift for your beloved feline this year, a book about gun safety might not sound like the most romantic pick. But Hearst Publishing's "How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety" uniquely provides cats - and their humans - with an essential guide to keeping kitty safe from weapons, as well as abstaining from drugs and staying far away from Satanism.

Written in a light-hearted tone and full of amusing illustrations, it is perfect for any cat (and only occasionally annoying) owner who wants to make sure that their furry friend lives a long, healthy life.
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Titleist Pro V1 Custom Golf Ball

Get your beau the perfect Valentine's Day gift this year—a Titleist Pro V1 custom golf ball! Nothing says "I love you" like a personalized gift, especially when it comes to golf. Show your special someone that you care enough to invest in a quality logoed product from one of the premier names in golf.

There won't be any mistaking which ball is theirs at the driving range with the message or logo of your choice printed on each one. This hilarious and thoughtful present will keep their game on par all year long!
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Love Note Messenger

There are plenty of useless Valentine's Day gifts you could give your loved one, but why not go for something unique and special? The Love Note Messenger is here to save the day! Imagine being able to send your adored companion a cute personal message with the click of a button.

Just compose your love letter using prewritten templates, or get creative and craft your own - it's up to you! Spoil them on this special day with something thoughtful and heartwarming - they will love it!
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50 First Dates - Scratch Off Dating Book for Couples

Celebrate your relationship with a fun and whimsical twist on Valentine's Day this year with the 50 First Dates Scratch Off Dating Book for Couples! With fifty prompts that invite couples to get creative on their date nights, this book stands out as a perfect gift for any couple looking to break out of the ordinary.

From board game competitions to backyard camping, there is something that will please everyone! Celebrate your love by reaching outside the box and watching sparks fly—and grab the book while you're at it!
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Love Coupon Cards

If you're looking for a unique Valentine's Day gift, why not get creative and make your own love coupon cards? They don't have to be over the top or anything, just something small such as movie tickets or a night of gaming could show your special someone how much you care.

Even something as simple as a relaxing body massage or an hour's worth of cuddles would make all the difference when it comes to spoiling the one you love on V-day. So go ahead and get creative with making romantic coupon cards this time around!
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