The early stages of a relationship are always the best. Everything your significant other does is the best thing anyone has ever done. And all those little habits you would normally hate aren't completely annoying and terrible yet. But eventually, the masks come off and you have to face the truth: you might be dating a werewolf. Oops. This is what might be happening to Twitter user @Leago_scars who offered some pretty compelling evidence for his theory.
A thread:
I’ve come up with a conspiracy
My girlfriend and her family might be werewolves. I’ve been living in fear for some time now.
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
Full disclaimer: if you're living in actual fear because of your significant other, that's a very bad sign. You probably don't even need to offer evidence beyond that. Love should be about trust and happiness, not paralyzing terror. Just a heads up.
Firstly this girl LOVES biting me it’s actually mad creepy
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
Relationships are all about boundaries. There are no hard and fast rules about what is and isn't okay in your own private time, until it makes you uncomfortable. What we're trying to say is biting is fine until it becomes creepy, and then it's time to have a chat.
Her eye colour changes seasonally pic.twitter.com/Lp6PFCK2v8
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
Now, this doesn't necessarily make someone a full-blown werewolf. They could be standing in a different light, wearing special contacts, or be something like 1/3rd werewolf which is pretty standard, right? Most people have *some* werewolf tendencies. Right???
I always leave their house before it gets dark
I also make sure never to see her when there’s a full moon
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
To be completely and totally fair to this young woman and her family: these are his own choices. He doesn't indicate that they are making him leave before dark or that he can't see her during the full moon. It seems like this is a self-imposed rule, so we probably shouldn't include that in our evidence.
These people own like 8 huskies, who tf owns 8 huskies, I act like I’m not scared cause apparently they can smell fear
she’s also allergic to cats. pic.twitter.com/9mp2OZa5y4
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
It's not weird to own a husky. Huskies are great. However, we have to agree here that eight of them is a bit much. Especially considering how notoriously stubborn this particular breed is. Unless, of course, it uh... isn't a bunch of dogs at all but... a pack... of... werewolves!!
Her family has naturally big curly hair
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
Okay, this isn't fair to people with curly hair. Curly hair is a totally normal, in fact some would say exceptional, human trait. People pay good money to get big, curly hair-dos! And very few wolves have curls, actually. At least if the internet is to be believed.
listen when I say this girl eats, she EATS, more than me even, who tf has a girl that eats more than them
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
When you're building a werewolf theory, do your best to steer away from problematic stereotypes. Even though this is a stereotype that's very often extremely very true, it's also a little unfair. There are plenty of women who love to eat, and probably can out-eat their boyfriends.
She also falls asleep when I pet her or slowly play with her hair, that sounds like dog behaviour to ME pic.twitter.com/wwG3HpDS6v
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
Look, petting is extremely pleasant as an experience. Animals don't fall asleep while we pet them because they're weird, okay? The only reason more humans don't fall asleep while being petted is simply because we are so rarely petted by other humans. It almost makes you wonder why so many of us bother even having hands.
Also she runs super fast, one time she beat me in a race and I told her I let her win, but truth is she smoked me I’m just to man to admit
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
It's really starting to feel like maybe this guy just has a completely badass girlfriend, and he can't deal with it, so he's jumping to the next logical conclusion: werewolf. Next time you're at the gym, take a minute to notice how many people's girlfriends are on the treadmills. Women do cardio too!
Bro I aint cappingggg, this real faxxxxx pic.twitter.com/CgO3YQBqgz
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
This seems like an extremely personal photo, honestly, and not typical of werewolf behavior. Think about it: if a werewolf wants to bite you, there will probably be blood. It seems like the whole reason people fear werewolves is because of their tendency to maul.
We once had wings and when she finished her box it was empty bro, EMPTY, no bone!!! pic.twitter.com/zgT66mS6KU
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
Okay, this is admittedly extremely weird. But it's also a potential emergency. Even if we concede that this man is dating an actual werewolf, it's a known thing among dog owners that you should *never* let a dog eat a cooked chicken bone. While it's unclear if werewolves are beholden to all dog laws, to be safe this woman should go to a hospital.
who tf even has a jawline like that, sounds like you eat bears to me
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
Again, this man seems to think all of his girlfriend's most attractive qualities are evidence of extreme werewolffery. A strong jaw line is something people spend a lot of money on surgeries and make up to achieve, so there's no reason to fear it. And do werewolves eat bears? Because that's honestly insane.
or whatever tf wolves eat I dunno
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
Yeah we didn't think so. Werewolves are tough and all but bears are very, very extra when it comes to brute strength. It seems like they'd be a lot of work to take down, even for a werewolf. Not to mention that's way more meat than one wolf can probably polish off in one meal.
i need to delete this thread soon before she sees it and eats me
i’ll gather more insight and evidence, stay tuned🧐
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
We never did find any real proof of his girlfriend's status as a werewolf, but if that doesn't comfort him, let's offer up a theory: werewolves don't use Twitter. It would be ridiculous for them to do so. Honestly, why would a werewolf even need to Tweet? They have plenty of other things to do alone at 3am.
Guys please don’t laugh cause ngizofa
if I go missing one of these days u know wossop pic.twitter.com/C8dsFqrEFj
— daughter. (@Leago_scars) April 14, 2019
Everyone has their own truth, and this is his, so maybe we're being too harsh here. If this man is truly afraid he should probably end the relationship and invest in lots and lots of silver bullets. Oh and also a gun to put them in just in case.
I’ve known here since she was in primary school. Walked them home once and I swear all the dogs barked at them and wanted to square up, as if they had some beef.
— Darko (@Shalatheunicorn) April 15, 2019
Oh wow, this is a sudden and unexpected twist. Maybe this guy is on to something here. After all, why would dogs bark at a person unless they were a werewolf? Actually, it's more likely the dogs would cower in fear, right? Because werewolf beats dog, right?
Dude you know this thread was just to flex your fine fine girl 😏 she’s beautiful and obviously not basic if she eats more than you 🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿
— Afrïcan Choqlét 🇿🇲 (@choqlet_love) April 15, 2019
Wow, I can't believe we fell for this, the most massive of flexes. And to think we were all so worried for this poor, poor man and his love for the werewolf lady who was getting ready to devour him. This is the last time we trust anyone on Twitter.