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No, I'm Not Just Your Personal Chauffeur: 29+ Hilarious Tweets From Moms About Their True Feelings on Motherhood

Funny

| LAST UPDATE 08/17/2021

By Scarlett Adler

It's no secret that motherhood is exhausting, and sometimes, these hard-working gals just need to vent. Check out these hilarious tweets to discover what many moms really have to say about their kids.

When It Comes To the 3rd Kid

Have you ever noticed how some moms are incredibly picky about what their baby consumes? Only organic, no added sugars, nothing artificial, and all that. Often, when it comes to the second kid, they loosen the ropes a little bit.

When It Comes To the 3rd Kid Mom TweetsWhen It Comes To the 3rd Kid Mom Tweets
Instagram via @busyphilipps / Twitter via @KateWineHall

And with the third child, well, you're on your own, kid! Anything that seems mildly tasty is up for grabs. So, if you're the third kid of your family and always dreamed of eating KFC but didn't think it was allowed, now's your chance!

Nothing Like a Crying Baby on a Plane

Flying can bring out a lot of emotions or even stress in a lot of people. Arriving at the airport on time, getting your luggage through security, oh, and how could we forget; Avoiding crying babies because they make it quite challenging to sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.

Crying Baby on Plane Mom TweetsCrying Baby on Plane Mom Tweets
Shutterstock via Gorlov-KV / Twitter via @mommyshorts

With that being said, we totally understand you asking to switch seats to get away from the screaming baby. But, wait, there's one catch. You know, you can't switch seats when the baby is your own child. This might be a hard pill to swallow, but if it's your crying baby, this one's on you.

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Nighttime Makes Kids Terrifying

Please, whatever you do, try not to get offended by this mother's tweet. You see, nearly every parent thinks their children are cuter than all of the others, but there comes a specific time of day when no child can be viewed as innocent and adorable.

Nighttime Makes Kids Terrifying Mom TweetsNighttime Makes Kids Terrifying Mom Tweets
Warner Bros. via Full House / Twitter via @maughammom

When the sun goes down, and the hardworking moms finally go to sleep to take a break from the constant hovering, there's only one thing that can possibly spook you. And what is that thing, you might ask? A lurking child in the night, doing everything possible to disrupt your slumber.

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Unique Apology

Saying sorry and taking responsibility for your actions might not seem like too complicated of a task, right? However, for children, this skill doesn't always come naturally, like this 11-year-old kid, for instance. On the one hand, at least he apologized to his mom for misbehaving.

Unique Apology Mom TweetsUnique Apology Mom Tweets
Getty Images via Getty Images / Twitter via @Manda_like_wine

But, at the same time, he blatantly admitted that he forgets to care about his mother's existence! This poor mom; Her son's apology might've come off rather offensive, as she probably does everything possible to make him happy, and he claims he forgets she's even there. Kids... you gotta love em.

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Avoid Eye Contact

There's something incredibly satisfying about putting your kids to sleep and then quietly sneaking out of their bedroom before they notice. Some say it opens up a whole new window of freedom for the rest of the night. But, before you can proudly sneak off, there's one crucial rule you must follow.

Avoid Eye Contact Mom TweetsAvoid Eye Contact Mom Tweets
Shutterstock via Nadin Panina / Twitter via @CaffeineandF

Never, and we mean never, make eye contact with your child when they are on the verge of falling asleep. You might think you're off the hook when their eyes begin to shut, but trust me, that could change instantly. Eye contact is essentially a sign for them to wake up and suddenly become far too energetic.

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One is Never Enough

Many parents who only have one child think that parenting is so much more manageable than they'd been told. There's only one kid to look after, and you never have to worry about breaking up fights between the children. Before you decide that it's just as easy having multiple kids, just hear this mother out.

One is Never Enough Mom TweetsOne is Never Enough Mom Tweets
Nancy Meyers via The Parents Trap / Twitter via @ValeeGrrl

Before you say anything, please try and understand that this poor mom has to spend her days splitting small chocolate candies in half to avoid an outrageous fight from breaking out in the living room. And that's only the beginning. Can you imagine having to split an m&m into three parts?

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No Brownies for Breakfast

Is it just me, or was nearly everyone told that they can't eat dessert for breakfast growing up? Well, we've got news for you. Apparently, when you left for school, after being denied a delicious breakfast of chocolatey brownies, your mom indulged in the dessert and never told you.

No Brownies for Breakfast Mom TweetsNo Brownies for Breakfast Mom Tweets
Shutterstock via Tinxi / Twitter via @MidgardMomma

She probably did an excellent job of hiding it, since you didn't know until now. So, to the moms out there who are guilty of this little trick, well done. You certainly had us all fooled, and now we're just resentful we didn't catch you in the act and get some brownies for ourselves.

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When in Doubt, Go With Casserole

Ahh, what do we have here? Another sneaky mom eating dessert for breakfast. However, this time she was caught red-handed, but we must say, she did an impressive job of covering up her guilt. When asked if she was eating pie for breakfast, she had to act on the spot, and her response was perfect.

When in Doubt, Go With Casserole Mom TweetsWhen in Doubt, Go With Casserole Mom Tweets
Instagram via @mindykaling / Twitter via @FoxyWinePocket

When in doubt, just go with a type of food that's anti-kid. In this case, mom claimed that she was eating some fruit casserole, which probably sounds unappealing to most children. Who knew that calling a sweet dessert a casserole could keep the kids away?

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Which is Worse?

Coming to the realization that your innocent and loving children are turning into mischievous teenagers can be difficult. Especially when you have one kid who locked you out of your own bedroom. But wait, there's more! Your other son swooped in as the hero, but not an innocent one.

Christopher Lloyd via Modern Family / Twitter via @amydillon

Being the knight in shining armor meant picking the lock, which is a skill he must've been practicing. That probably caused this mother to wonder what else he's been up to all these years. But hey, at least he wanted to rescue his mom, after all, right?

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The Truth About School Plays

If you've ever been guilty of clapping at the end of your child's school play, after being utterly unimpressed, say "I." Th truth is, it would be a crime not to cheer your heart out after a group of kids put on a play that they were so incredibly proud of, no matter how painful it was to watch.

Truth About School Plays Mom TweetsTruth About School Plays Mom Tweets
Getty Images via James Devaney / Twitter via @bourgeoisalien

They say honesty is the best policy but is motherhood an exception? Being upfront is, of course, a responsible way to handle things in the long run, but sometimes, pretending to be impressed by the fourth grade's production of The Little Mermaid is well worth it if it makes for a happy kid.

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Donuts Taste Better in the Closet

Let's be real here, fellow mothers. Sometimes, the best place to enjoy a freshly baked donut isn't the kitchen table or the living room sofa. Have you ever tried going to a secret, dark place to eat the dessert that you don't want your kids to steal? Let's say, maybe a closet?

Donuts in the Closet Mom TweetsDonuts in the Closet Mom Tweets
Shutterstock via Sergey Chumakov / Twitter via @abhorrent_wife

Well, if your answer was no, then we highly recommend you start consuming donuts in the hallway closet. Out of sight, out of mind, with no kids to bother you. At first, this might sound like a rather strange idea, but think about it; Would you rather eat dessert in a closet or share it with your kids?

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Say 'Dada'

Now, this particular tweet might come off as surprising, but try and look at the situation from the mother's perspective. Her first two children couldn't have been more attached to her if they tried. If they needed or wanted anything, it was always mom's problem.

Say Dada Mom TweetsSay Dada Mom Tweets
Getty Images via Noel Vasquez / Twitter via @CrazyExhaustion

So, she was quite strategic in planning her third child's first word. Why teach another kid to rely on her at all hours of the day when they could start relying on dad, right? Here's some advice for any mom who can relate to this; Teach your next child to rely on your spouse or another family member, just not you!

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They'd Been Warned

You've probably heard that song about the little monkeys jumping on the bed, right? And chances are, your mom reminded you over and over that one fell off and bumped his head. Well, did you ever think that maybe this was her way of warning you not to make the same mistake?

They'd Been Warned Mom TweetsThey'd Been Warned Mom Tweets
Instagram via @melissamccarthy / Twitter via @LetMeStart

According to this particular mom, who literally watched her son fall off the bed, no one ever listens to her. She tried her very best to prevent this little incident from happening, but there was only so much she could do in the end. Hopefully, her other kids will learn by example.

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How to Avoid Making Dinner

After a long, exhausting day of taking care of the kids, going to work, and all of the other motherly duties, cooking dinner doesn't always sound so appealing. You might be thinking that this is a requirement as a mother, but give it a minute and let science take over.

Avoid Making Dinner Mom TweetsAvoid Making Dinner Mom Tweets
Shutterstock via Suzanne Tucker / Twitter via @sarcasticmommy4

We're not sure if the mother who tweeted this is actually a scientist or just a genius. Either way, she claims that if you just happen to disappear for long enough, the rest of the family will get so desperately hungry that they resort to eating cereal and won't even complain about it.

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Playing Hard to Get

It's no doubt that playing hard to get can accomplish a lot in some scenarios. However, have you ever thought about playing hard to get with your own children? This doesn't mean blatantly neglecting them, or anything to that extent, just taking a tiny step back.

Hard to Get Mom TweetsHard to Get Mom Tweets
Getty Images via Bobby Bank / Twitter via @ValeeGrrl

It's pretty much a proven fact that swarming your kids with questions typically causes them to tune you out. Chances are, they don't want to tell you all about their day at school because it probably wasn't too exciting. But if you take a step back, and stop asking questions, then you might just get lucky!

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Where Real Fear Lies

Becoming a parent can be a scary thought, as it's truly unlike anything you've done before. Every milestone brings new emotions, including excitement but also fear. When your child learns to walk, there's even more, to think about, especially if you hadn't baby-proofed the house yet.

Where Real fear Lies Mom TweetsWhere Real fear Lies Mom Tweets
Shutterstock via New Africa / Twitter via @lilwestman

Oh, and if you hear your 2-year-old flush the toilet and yell something along the lines of "bye-bye," chances are, whatever lies inside that bathroom isn't pretty. Let's be real here, what could a toddler possibly be flushing down the toilet? Maybe they thought the pet fish missed his friends and sent him back to the ocean.

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No, Your Pupils Cannot be Square

Becoming a mother means so much; Raising a child, taking on more responsibility, and sometimes even hearing the insane excuses that other parents come up with after being late to another kid's birthday party. However, sometimes these insanely creative excuses are the truth, like this one.

Square Pupils Mom TweetsSquare Pupils Mom Tweets
Instagram via @hilaryduff / Twitter via @WorkingMom86

For some reason, this mom's child was devastated when he discovered that his pupils are not square after all these years. His mom had no idea where this sudden thought came from, but she had to sit her son down and explain the harsh truth; Pupils are always circular, never square.

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A New Kind of Extreme Sport

To many people, extreme sports involve heavy lifting, hiking dangerous grounds, and maybe even fighting. But this particular mother's here to give you a new perspective. Extreme sports don't have to involve lifting weights or putting your own life at risk, you know.

A New Kind of Extreme Sport Mom TweetsA New Kind of Extreme Sport Mom Tweets
Instagram via @katehudson / Twitter via @MummaCrazy

Ever since Frozen was released, parents worldwide were faced with a new extreme sport; Persuading their children to change out of their Elsa dress. And trust me, this is no easy task. Do you think toddlers ever want to take this glistening gown off? These little girls are more powerful than they look.

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Not the Glitter!

Arts and crafts projects are a great way to pass the time and teach kids that there are fun activities out there that don't involve using a screen. However, once you bring out the glitter, it becomes an utter disaster. Unfortunately, for this mom, the mother of her daughter's playdate didn't get the memo.

Not the Glitter! Mom TweetsNot the Glitter! Mom Tweets
Instagram via @bethennyfrankel / Twitter via @ValeeGrrl

It was very kind of her to provide the children with an art project, but please, lady, do not bring glitter inside the house! Trust me, glitter has a way of getting into every crevice of your home, and it never disappears. It might look like an innocent piece of art, but it sticks to everything, everywhere.

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Never Ever Lose a Favorite Toy

Nearly every kid has a favorite toy, or maybe a stuffed animal that they can't sleep without. This little friend goes everywhere with the kid, and if you don't bring the toy somewhere, they'll probably throw a fit. But what happens when this toy goes missing?

Never Ever Lose a Toy Task Mom TweetsNever Ever Lose a Toy Task Mom Tweets
Instagram via @amyschumer / Twitter via @mommy_cusses

Get ready for some never-ending tears. However, beware that kids are smarter than you might think. Even if you misplace a toy that they never even cared about, once they realize it's gone, they might decide it was their favorite, after all. Ahh, kids, and their crazy ways.

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Favorite Parent Battle

With multiple loving parents, sometimes, things can get a little competitive. This mother wasn't too happy when her husband brought the kids to a baseball game, something they'd wanted to do for months. So, she had to get creative to keep her title as "favorite parent."

Favorite Parent Battle Mom TweetsFavorite Parent Battle Mom Tweets
Shutterstock via HTeam / Twitter via @Carbosly

And let's be real, what kid doesn't love getting riled up on sugar in the middle of the night? This isn't typically something parents enjoy dealing with, but this mom was determined to stand out as the fun parent. Do you think your mom ever thought about doing this?

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Secret Recipe for Success

Baby showers are known for having all sorts of games, and oftentimes, expecting mothers use this as an opportunity to ask for parenting advice. It's definitely a smart idea, and the mother being celebrated at this shower probably expected suggestions directly related to caring for a young child.

Secret Recipe for Success Mom TweetsSecret Recipe for Success Mom Tweets
Instagram via @mariahcarey / Twitter via @PetrickSara

However, the mom who wrote this tweet decided not to beat around the bush and be realistic. So, her piece of advice was nothing other than a recipe for her favorite beverage. Mothers deserve a break sometimes after everything they do, so why not kick back and enjoy a night with the ladies?!

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Parenting is Fun, They Said

There's no doubt that raising children is extremely rewarding, but it's not always easy and is certainly exhausting. Many mothers sometimes feel underappreciated and even wonder why they spend hours cooking a delicious meal when frequently, it doesn't even get eaten.

Parenting is Fun, They Said Mom TweetsParenting is Fun, They Said Mom Tweets
Instagram via @chrissyteigen / Twitter via @LurkAtHomeMom

Parenting is fun, they said, especially if you like cooking for people who claim they're starving until the food is served and suddenly they're not hungry anymore. Maybe the mom who wrote this tweet should take some advice from the other mother who let her family eat cereal for dinner.

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Life Isn't Always Fair, Kids

Parenthood is a lot to take on, but it certainly comes with its perks. For instance, you get the luxury of telling your kids they're forbidden from eating on the couch while looking them in the eyes as you eat a snack on that very couch you'd banished them from.

Life Isn't Fair Mom TweetsLife Isn't Fair Mom Tweets
Instagram via @kyliejenner /Twitter via @LetMeStart

But don't worry, you're not unfair; You're simply teaching your kids an essential life lesson. One way or another, they're going to have to learn that believe it or not, life isn't always fair. Hence why they have to sit at the kitchen table to eat their goldfish while you, the mom, eat a bag of chips on the couch.

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Stay in School, Please

It's no secret that most parents want their kids to stay in school, get good grades, and really just succeed in life. But, have you ever thought that "Stay in school" might have an underlying meaning? And it has nothing to do with getting an education or studying for the SAT.

Stay in School Mom TweetsStay in School Mom Tweets
Getty Images via L. Cohen / Twitter via @HousewifOfHell

When your mom tells you to stay in school, she means it! Shoutout to this group of cool moms dropping their kids off at school and getting away to take advantage of every moment they have without children running around. Don't be offended, though; It's all out of love!

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Timing is Tough to Master

If you're a mom of young children, you've probably noticed the unfortunate hours your kids decide to sleep or stay awake, especially if it messes with your own plans. Of course, on the weekends, these little rascals start running around the house looking for entertainment before the sun comes up.

Timing Mom TweetsTiming Mom Tweets
Shutterstock via Yuganov Constantin / Twitter via @buriedwithkids

And then Monday comes around, and all you can think about is sending the kids off on the bus so you can finally get a few hours of peace and quiet. That is until they somehow convince their bodies to sleep past 8 am and miss the bus - some things we'll just never understand.

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New Way of Doing Laundry

Having your kids voluntarily help out around the house may sound like a dream come true, but what if it just creates more of a mess? For instance, this particular mom didn't turn down her 3-year-old's offer to put away the laundry. However, the method was rather abstract and time-consuming.

New Way of Doing Laundry Mom TweetsNew Way of Doing Laundry Mom Tweets
Instagram via @khloekardashian / Twitter via @outsmartedmommy

So, after more than six hours, the laundry was put away, and by away, we just mean hidden in a new location. Apparently, according to a toddler, pants are supposed to be kept cold, so they don't spoil, duh! If only we could get a closer look inside this little girl's brain.

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Unpaid Taxi Driver

Being a mother means taking on countless other titles. For example, some moms consider themselves the family's chef, seamstress, housekeeper, and some even go as far as calling themselves a taxi driver. Except, this job as a taxi driver doesn't come with a salary.

Unpaid Taxi Driver Mom TweetsUnpaid Taxi Driver Mom Tweets
Instagram via @jlo / Twitter via @sarcasticmommy4

In addition to no salary or tips from the passengers, the customers seem to be a lot more needy than usual. There's endless complaining in this particular taxi, and somehow, the passengers are always hungry and thirsty, and if there's no juice box waiting in the cupholder, we've got a problem on our hands.

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Diagnosis of Motherhood

Someone call the doctor because we've got some severe symptoms over here. With exhaustion, migraines, and irritability, it's time to bring in a professional. Except, this mom didn't have any spare time to visit the doctor's office, so she gave WebMD a try.

Diagnosis of Motherhood Mom TweetsDiagnosis of Motherhood Mom Tweets
Instagram via @mindykaling / Twitter via @sarcasticmommy4

Plenty of people claim the site gives overly dramatic results, but not in this case. This tiresome mother finally received a diagnosis, and let's just say it didn't give her any clarity, just a little taste of reality. The truth is, being a mom might make you feel ill, but it's all for the well-being of your incredible children.

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Teens Always Leave Their Mark

It's basically a known fact that teenagers can be moody, rebellious, and tend to ignore their mother. So, when this mom opened the refrigerator looking for a snack, she wasn't even slightly surprised to see a shelf filled with empty containers, which never made their way to the garbage.

Teens Leave Their Mark Mom TweetsTeens Leave Their Mark Mom Tweets
Getty Images via Rob Kim / Twitter via @MomOfTeen

At this point, she's accepted the reality that her kids will probably never throw things away or really go out of their way to be helpful in the kitchen. Regardless of the trash left in the refrigerator, the moral of the story is that teenagers leave their mark, and evidently, aren't too hard to track down.

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