Dad Code Exposed: 29+ Hilarious Tweets About the Truth of Fatherhood

From playing with Barbies to getting rid of monsters under the bed, there's rarely a dull moment when it comes to raising kids. Check out these hysterical tweets from dads about their true feelings on fatherhood.

Breakfast Time

There's something nervewracking about hearing your toddler tell you she's about to make breakfast, even if it's just cereal. However, once you find out she's planning to use the oven, well, it's game over.

While it was sweet of her to let her dad sleep in, the reality was the early wake up certainly beat a potential kitchen fire. Let's just hope this little girl's daddy got there just in time.

New Take on Honesty

You know what they say, honesty is the best policy, and it's never too early to instill this mindset in your children. But, on the other hand, there are some exceptions, right? Let's be real here, as important as it is to teach kids honesty, it's also crucial that they learn how to be economically smart.

With that being said, if you'd like to teach your 13-year-old how to save a few bucks here and there, then movie tickets are the best place to start. What's the difference between ages 12 and 13 anyway? Don't get me wrong here, we're not encouraging lying, but sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do.

No Such Thing

Don't you just love it when companies market their products with the slogan "fun for the whole family?" Just think about this for a moment; How can that statement ever be possible? At least when it comes to toys, a middle-aged man and a 6-year-old princess-obsessed girl may have different ideas of fun.

Oh, and do you really think a little boy who loves race cars and thrives on throwing toys at his sister will cooperate to play dress-up? Well, anything's possible, but the moral of the story, "fun for the whole family," seems like a bit of a stretch. What do you think?

A Little Competition Never Hurt Anybody

Life's filled with all sorts of competition, whether it's sports-related or even just competing against classmates to get into a particular college. With that being said, why not get your kids' competitive instincts flowing early? For instance, eating meals, doing chores, and virtually everything can become a race.

There's nothing wrong with some good old healthy competition until it backfires, that is. What if your kids race to see who finishes eating dinner first, and one of them gets sick? Ok, so maybe, it's best to let children eat in peace and at their own pace.

I Can Explain

There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for pretty much everything regarding parenting, no matter how strange a situation appears. For example, this father was caught licking his baby's head right as the nurse walked into the room, and who knows what was going through her head!

If the nurse had taken an extra 30 seconds to ask what was going on, rather than assuming the worst, she would've discovered that this father was just cleaning up a mess, theoretically. I mean, all he did was drip some mustard on his baby's forehead, so it made perfect sense to lick it off, right?

How Scary Is Scary?

Do you remember the days of being so scared of a monster under your bed or in the closet that you simply couldn't fall asleep? And as a parent, assuring your children that there is, in fact, no monster or mysterious creature can be an impossible task.

However, this particular dad found a pretty helpful, yet sneaky, trick to keep his fearful kid from getting out of bed. Apparently, his mom, at times, can be the scariest monster of all - probably just due to exhaustion and all. So. if you're reading this, just don't tell mom!

Components of Parenting

Let's take a moment to break down the basic components of parenting. We're not talking about doing certain tasks; We're here to lay it all out on the table. The reality is, in many cases, parenting is really just a cycle of telling your kid "no, maybe later," "no, it's too late now," and any other similar phrase.

Chances are, your kid will probably put up a fight, depending on their age, of course. If you tell your 5-year-old to go to bed while your 9-year-old is still watching TV, that might cause a colossal issue in the household. But don't worry, it gets easier with time, at least that's what we all hope!

When a 5-Year-Old Tells a Story

Have you ever listened to a 5-year-old tell a story? If you have, then you probably know how long it can possibly go on for, and if you haven't, then good luck when this day comes. For some reason, every single detail needs to be dragged out, and some even repeated.

I mean, do kids really think that all adults have memory loss and need recaps of a story before it's even over? Luckily, this particular dad kept it together and demonstrated an impressive amount of patience while her daughter told a story about her day at school. Let's just hope it ends within the year.

The Truth About Kids' Artwork

As we mentioned earlier, honesty is the best policy, but there are occasional exceptions. What happens when your kid comes home from pre-school with a drawing he spent all day working on, and you just have no idea what you're even looking at. He says it's a family portrait, but that isn't too obvious.

Realistically, you've got two options here. Option one: Exaggerate the truth, and tell your child he did a fantastic job and is going to be the next Picasso. Or, you could teach your kid the harsh reality that art truly isn't his thing, and it might be time to explore other passions. What would you do?

A Little Late With the Car Seat

It's no secret that putting together baby equipment can be difficult, and those who aren't natural-born handymen might have a tough time. Hopefully, one parent or family member can manage to at least install the car seat correctly, so the baby doesn't have to spend their whole childhood in the house.

In this case, this particular father took his sweet old time installing the car seat to assure his family it was safe enough to hold a baby. However, he might've taken a little too long. When he proudly told his wife that he'd installed the car seat, she had to inform him that he was about 18 years too late. Better luck next time!

Who Are You Again?

Ahh, the question that most parents dread hearing from their children; "Am I your favorite child?" There are a few ways of going about this question, which depends on how many kids you have. Any father of three or more can probably use the excuse of forgetting who's who.

However, if you only have two kids, then chances are, this won't be as effective. And if you only have one kid, well, you're on your own. Your kid should be able to answer this question by themselves, but then again, you never know what goes through children's minds. When in doubt, just mix up all your kids' names.

How To Make Your Toddler Cry

At times, being a parent can feel like walking on thin ice, continually trying to avoid making your child cry. But the truth is, kids always cry, and it's not possible to prevent it from happening all the time. Like this dad, who accepted the reality and owned up to making his toddler cry.

Let's go through the list of how he managed to do this real quick. First off, we've got the fact that he wouldn't let the dog drive his son to school. Then, the toddler was upset because the bath was "too wet." Now, that's certainly a new one. Basically, the list goes on, but hey, at least this dad got a good laugh!

Here's Why You Don't Give Your Kid the Answers to Their Homework

Being a supportive parent is great and all, but when it comes to helping with homework, after elementary school, this becomes a dangerous area. Even as a successful businessman, your knowledge of the periodic table or advanced geometry might be a little bit rusty.

So, if you're looking to avoid telling your kids that you have no idea how to balance an equation, just don't offer to help in the first place. That way, your kid will learn on their own that you have no idea what you're doing, and eventually, you can just hire a tutor to pick up the slack.

Just To Be Clear

Before anyone starts believing the rumors going around, please take a moment to listen to this dad, who is not guilty of what you might've heard. Supposedly, there's talk that he doesn't like his kid, which is ridiculous, right?! He would like you to know that the rumors are entirely false.

However, if you, or anyone you know, feel this way about their kid, it's not entirely uncommon. I mean, kids can be irritating, especially during diaper days. Just as long as you pretend to enjoy spending time with them and cleaning up after them, then there shouldn't be a problem!

Hardest Part of Parenting

Parenting is hard; There's no doubt about it. Whether it's trying to get your little one to go to sleep at a reasonable hour or teaching your kids a life lesson, nothing about raising children is a walk in the park. In this father's eyes, he feels that the most difficult part of parenting is pretending he knows what he's doing.

I mean, the thought of continually pretending like you have a plan and even a solution when everything goes wrong must get pretty exhausting. But hey, to anyone that's mastered this skill, you must be an incredible parent. Acting and taking care of kids simultaneously must be challenging.

Real Reason for Nicknames

If you had a nickname, or even a few different ones, growing up, you probably thought it was because your name was too long, or your friends and family just came up with cute names to call you. If that's the case, then you're in for a harsh truth, so brace yourself.

According to this dad, the real reason why he gave his 6-year-old son various nicknames was that believe it or not, he just couldn't remember his name. He kept it together for about six years, making it seem like the nicknames were a choice, but this father just needed something to call his son in reality.

Not Paid Enough For This

There's always room for improvement, whether it's with parenting or work matters, but when it comes to making waffles, the kids better let dad do his thing. That is one of the easiest ways to go from a joyful Sunday morning to a rather tense environment. After this dad's son criticized his waffles, he came to a realization.

After being yelled at for misplacing the blueberries, he realized that he's not being paid nearly enough for this job. Let's be real here, if the kid's going to demand restaurant-quality meals, then he should pay that price, right? Or at least a nice tip after all that his dad's done for him.

The Sweet Smell of School Starting

After a long summer of having all three kids home and constantly coming up with activities to keep them busy, nothing sounds better than the school year beginning again. Luckily, this dad and his wife were entirely on the same page and had a celebratory toast.

They love being with their kids and all, but let's be real, having to spend every single day with needy children gets quite draining, both physically and mentally. Plus, with school starting, they can fuel their brains and move up in the world. Or, they can at least bother someone else for eight hours a day.

Playing a Dangerous Game

Many parents have found that the best way to convince their children to eat fruits and vegetables is by bribing them with something sweet. So, that's exactly what this dad did, but apparently, he didn't follow through with his offer. He bribed his son to eat something nutritious by promising him a cookie in return.

What do you think happened after his son scarfed down the food he didn't want to eat, just to get his cookie, and then realized that there was no cookie, after all. Something tells us that was not a pretty sight to see, and chances are, this little boy threw quite a tantrum.

A New Beginning

When your kids are too young to think for themselves, that means it's on your to monitor their playtime, and basically, everything they do. So, when the day finally comes when your kids can play in the other room without your supervision, well, that calls for a celebration!

No more having to put up a baby gate or sacrifice watching Sunday football to watch your kids play with Legos. Congratulations, the second part of your life has now begun, and you should be incredibly proud that you made it to this point. That is until the next kid comes along.

First vs. Last Week of School

There's something about the first week of school that brings a new wave of positivity. Dad puts a few extra minutes into making lunch for all of his kids in the morning to ensure they'll have a good day at school and truly feel the love. You can certainly expect fancy sandwiches in fun shapes.

Over time, though, things start to change. Dad doesn't have as much spare time to make delicious and visually appealing lunches in the morning, and the sliced fruit just becomes a thing of the past. Suddenly, the kids are going off the school with a handful of croutons, and maybe a juice box, if they're lucky.

Nightmare at the Drive-Thru

Drive-thrus are indeed a gamechanger, as they eliminate the hassle of having to transport the kids from the car to the restaurant and manage to keep them from causing a scene. However, this dad pointed out that he must give precise instructions at the drive-thru to avoid a brawl from breaking out in the car.

Imagine if one kid discovers that he got three less french fries than his sister? The truth is, that could set any kid off, leaving their dad with a dramatic fight to break up. So, all he can do is hope that the person taking the order follows instructions, and of course, counts the french fries.

Thrilling Day at the Pool

One of the best ways to keep your kids busy in the summer is by taking them to a pool. That way, dad can sit back, relax, and read the newspaper, while the kids have fun under the watchful eye of the lifeguard. Fun in the sun and safety all at the same time, what a concept!

Just whatever you do, make sure your kids have friends to play with, or else you'll find yourself having to judge handstand contests, adjust goggles, and play all sorts of games. Actually, even if they have friends, you'll probably still find yourself in this position.

Dad Code at Parties

Any night when the dads can get away from their kids and get together for a guys night becomes more valuable over time. Even family parties where the kids can play together and leave the adults to talk amongst themselves seem like a treat, for the most part, at least.

When this dad was asked what he's bringing to the party, he laughed over the harsh reality of fatherhood. He had no intention to bring food or drinks, but instead, he was proud to tell his buddies that he was planning to bring "DA NOISE" to the party, which is apparently dad code for kids.

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

You know what they say; Desperate times call for desperate measures. And trust us, this goes for fatherhood in many instances. This father explained that he, of course, loves spending time with his kids, even when that means playing hide and go seek for two hours, but sometimes a break is necessary.

To get some alone time without the disturbance from children, he had to compromise. This meant crouching behind a large object to make sure no one knew he was there. While he got a peaceful two hours without dealing with the kids, he had his fair share of back pain, but hey, and least it was quiet.

Who Needs Celery, Anyway?

It's always interesting to see how this conversation plays out. This father's son asked him why he goes to work every day, and he decided to give the most straightforward answer possible. So, dad told his son it's because the company gives him a salary, which is apparently not part of this kid's vocabulary just yet.

From the sound of this conversation, it appears that celery and salary are the same things, and this little boy is under the impression that his father gets paid in vegetables. And it gets better; The son doesn't like celery, so something tells us he does not want to work, ever.

Realizing It's Time for Spring Cleaning

Ahh, spring, cleaning, what a fun concept! In many instances, procrastination takes over, and well, the cleaning just doesn't happen. Until the baby rolls over and is suddenly covered in dust and other mysterious things. There's only so many months you can ignore the fact that the floor is quite filthy.

Apparently, dad's not the only one who forgot to sweep the floor, dust the windows, and vacuum the carpet all winter. Evidently, it's time to clean, and hopefully, the baby doesn't know enough words to tell anyone what happened. So, if you're reading this, keep it on the down-low.

Whatever You Say, Kid

With a family full of picky eaters, it seems like an impossible task to please everyone when cooking dinner. But, this dad realized that his kids are basically all talk and aren't as picky as they make it out to be. As soon as dad told his son that he was making pork, he realized he could get away with quite a bit.

His son claimed he didn't like pork, but instead of making something else, this dad pulled an old trick out of his sleeve. All he did was say the pork was actually chicken, and within seconds, a stubborn and hungry boy became happy and well-fed. Now, that wasn't too hard!

Parenting in 2020

Modern technology has had a significant impact on society, and kids are growing up in a much different way today than they did back in the day. On a positive note, exhausted parents can stick a video game, iPad, or TV in front of their kids for instant entertainment.

However, your kids must NEVER get a hold of your smartphone. Chances are, even toddlers will know how to maneuver their way through an iPhone, and who knows what kind of damage they can do while you're not paying attention. Forget dropping it in the toilet; Your kid might hack your email and basically ruin your life.

So That's What They Teach You in Kindergarten

Do you ever wonder what kids actually learn in kindergarten? After all, they likely can't read at that age, nor can they solve math problems, so what does the teacher do to make the time go by? Well, it seems that this dad has cracked the code and learned his daughter is more clever than he'd thought.

He started by asking his little angel what she learned at school today, and her response was certainly unexpected. This sneaky girl's not talking until she gets something in return, and luckily, she didn't want money, just a doughnut. Evidently, all she learned in kindergarten was bribery.