A Black Hole's Worth of Black Hole Tweets

Taran Underwood

funny /

Today scientists shared the first ever image of an actual, real life black hole. It was everything we expected: black, a hole, existentially terrifying on a level we have trouble articulating. Luckily, as with all current events, if we feed this into the take-machine we call Twitter we get a choice selection of ways to feel about this. Enjoy.

Never forget to stop and smell the supermassive black holes that surround us, collapsing all that they consume, including light, and which can only grow.

It was either extremely kind or incredibly shady for this person to not make this into a New York Knicks logo. Though I guess that could be implied in the original photo.

Either astrologists all over the world cooperated to sync their telescopes, creating a massive planet-sized Event Horizon telescope that could photograph a black hole. Or, they got lazy and photoshopped their favorite cover art.

This one only makes sense if you've played the video game Diablo. So you should probably go do that right now, just tell your boss it needs to happen for research.

Little does the supermassive black hole know, it isn't even the number one place in the galaxy to find an abyss that swallows all the light that enters it.

The joke here is the idea that Stephen Miller both has a heart, and that it is capable of destroying anything that comes near it. Extra points for the photoshopped Sauron eyes.

This joke? This joke is a triple threat: it's a meme and a pun AND a reference to the throwback Soundgarden hit 'Black Hole Sun'. A quadruple threat if you count the image of a supermassive black hole that could wipe out all existence as we perceive it in an instant.

It's comforting to think the black hole, which is larger than our own galaxy, only exists to let XBox owners know they're totally screwed. Wouldn't that be nice?

Not to "actually" this but actually, the black hole loves nothing. It is emptiness. Ceaseless emptiness. A void that can only consume and never create.

Here's a Doctor Who joke that not all of us are going to get, but be careful if you see someone who does because they're about to try to convince you to watch Doctor Who.

Please don't try to make the black hole seem cute. This merely adds to the underlying sense of dread one gets while looking at it.

It is. It is always with us. Staring, burrowing, consuming. But also, surprisingly very supportive of our personal goals as people.

Finally, a supermassive black hole that I want to consume rapidly, instead of the other way around.

This may seem shocking at first, as birds seem so innocent. But, deep down, I think we knew. We always knew.

And with that, whatever hope we had built up for this adventure dies. This is probably the end, folks. Try not to panic.