Shocking to pretty much no one, the Curb Your Enthusiasm mastermind hates the holidays. Yes, all of them. Here are all of the hilarious reasons Larry David detests the most wonderful time of the year - just make sure Santa doesn't see you laughing.
Larry is - as usual - not holding back. The comedic genius wrote an essay for the Air Mail, a digital publication led by former Vanity Fair editor in chief Graydon Carter, titled A Very Larry David Christmas. In it, he explains just how much he hates the holidays and why. To begin with, David is "filled with dread at the prospect of close social encounters with what seemed like hundreds of relatives" on Christmas. "I'm a creature of habit and can't tolerate anything that throws me off my normal routine," he shared. "That's why I detest all holidays, but none as much as Christmas."
And reuniting with not-so-loved ones isn't the only thing that scares Larry about the holidays. The Hollywood icon despises everything from Christmas carols and films to gifts. "Thinking about them, shopping for them (never without resentment), and the attendant pile of garbage that accumulates from opening them," he detailed. And to top off the endless consumerism, David has to endure constant salutations of "Happy holidays" while out and about, which he said "must be returned like unwanted 'I love you's.'" Okay - Larry kind of has a point with that one.
But lucky for David, all of his good holiday vibes have paid off: the comedian revealed he's no longer invited to Christmas parties! "Over the years, my Scrooginess at these Christmas Day gatherings became so intolerable that in due course everyone realized how much better the day would be without my off-putting, nay, offensive presence," the 74-year-old wrote. So how does David keep busy on December 25, as much of the country rejoices in holiday cheer?
The man has a "cherished yearly ritual" familiar to many Jewish Americans: eating Chinese food on Christmas day. Except while some go with their loved ones, Larry goes alone. "And now on Christmas Eve I sleep like a baby, with nary a bathroom break," the actor shared.
You can read the full piece in all of its hilarity here.