Comedy.com

March Madness, Scorsese Style

bill.doty — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 12:31:58 +0000

A few years ago I made this beauty, all for my love of Scorsese and March Madness. Obviously it’s a parody of The Departed so if I had to tell you that I’m doing it wrong. And yes, I please an amazing cop.

Proof Of The Big Bang Theory

bill.doty — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 12:18:25 +0000

People will argue between creationism and evolution all day long. Most debate because they can’t get a firm understanding how the big bang actually happened. Here is a clearer explanation.

Get Ready For Some Super Sexy CPR

bill.doty — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 03:28:24 +0000

I have a feeling that if I ever have to perform CPR it will be for a 400lb fat man choking on a chicken bone. But a guy can dream… right?

How To Teach Kids Today About History

bill.doty — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 03:23:56 +0000

Face it, if you’ve ever played a video game you realize that no matter how fast the story goes, or your friend enter and leave the game… you know exactly what’s going on. So what if we taught kids history in the same format?

The Safest Way To Sleep In Class

bill.doty — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 03:17:05 +0000

You know the best time to catch up on sleep is during those truly boring classes. But those pesky professors keep waking you up screaming something about wasting your parent’s money. Well, now sleep with confidence and look stylish doing so.

Chris Brown: American Superhero

bill.doty — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 03:10:54 +0000

The heroic adventures of America’s favorite superhero, Chris Brown!

Spill Proof Beer

bill.doty — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 03:04:58 +0000

Screw the flying cars we’ve always wanted. Now… technology is right where it needs to be.

Best Hockey Sign Ever

bill.doty — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 13:08:04 +0000

I have some great lines for football and baseball games. But I guess I’ve never worked on my hockey games riffs. No need to now, they have all been trumped.

Attention Parents

bill.doty — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 12:58:24 +0000

Some stores have designated areas where you can keep your kids. Kinda like a kid corral. These guys have a much better idea.

Dog Competition Fail

bill.doty — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 12:55:57 +0000

Sometimes a dogs gotta do what a dogs gotta do. This is why you should walk your dog before he started competing in what you’ve trained all year for.

Pedestrian Revenge

bill.doty — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 20:30:25 +0000

What happens when a npc (non-playing character) straps on a pair of Rollerblades and brings the fight to YOU?

Haven’t Seen A KONY Video?

bill.doty — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 20:20:59 +0000

Well then, it’s okay. You’re not the only one. And well… there could be worse things

Facebook Relationship Status

bill.doty — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 13:55:05 +0000

This should clean up any questions you had over that “special person” you hear from late at night.

Just A Bunch Of Hot Chicks Shooting Guns, That’s All

bill.doty — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 13:48:42 +0000

What sexier than girls and guns? Nothing right? It’s like chocolate mixed with peanut butter but it’s slightly hotter and can kill you. Unless you’re allergic to peanuts… then they both can kill you. Here just a bunch of hot chicks firing guns.

The A cup and the 50 caliber… to the face.

Hot girl gun prank

I don’t remember this scene in Sniper

How about using your breast to absorb the recoil?

The big finale!

Community Returns With An Epic New Trailer

bill.doty — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 13:28:39 +0000

You really didn’t it was going to stay away did you? March 15 your favorite community college students return. But from this video we think they are returning in style.

Socially Awkard Magician

bill.doty — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 13:16:48 +0000

The scarf tricks aren’t that amazing… I mean we’ve been seeing them for several decades. But you haven’t seen them performed so well with a socially awkward magician. Watch Kyle Eschen performs at the World Magic Awards 2008.

Stupid People Own Guns Too

bill.doty — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 14:08:25 +0000

I’d say this is a great way to weed out stupid people but they always seem to survive it or end up killing the smart ones off.

Footprints

bill.doty — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 13:57:08 +0000

Sometimes it’s good to know that Jes…. I mean Jedi has your back.

Daniel Tosh Kicks Out Drunks During Show

bill.doty — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 13:54:13 +0000

You might want to watch how much you drink before a Daniel Tosh show. He’s looking right at you and playing bouncer

10 First Ladies Uglier Than Hillary Clinton

admin — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 13:30:28 +0000

Laura Bush ain’t too bad. Either are McCain and Obama’s wives. But nobody wants to hear about the best looking first ladies. Here are the 10 worst. Enjoy.

10. Louisa Adams

Probably doesn’t help that you dress like those bird things from The Dark Crystal.

9. Barbara Bush

We’re surprised she would be this low. Grossest scenario: Barbara saying, “Read my lips. Those lips”.

8. Eleanor Roosevelt

Poor FDR was crippled and a lesbian wife. Wonderful person. Just not a looker. A licker, just not a looker.

7. Lucretia Garfield

Klingon forehead. And her name is fucking Lucretia.

6. Ellen Wilson

First wife of Woodrow Wilson. Wonky eye.

5. Martha Washington

Stick to sewing. You’re ghastly.

4. Margaret Taylor

Grrrrrrrrrr.

3. Eliza Johnson

Looks like somebody shaved Abe Lincoln and gave her a Seattle Grunge cut.

2. Abigail Fillmore

Little House on the Prairie meets Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. No thank you.

1. William R. King

Our 15th President, James Buchanan never married. He did, however, live for 15 years with William R. King. We suspect hanky panky.

Warning

bill.doty — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 13:26:06 +0000

If you’re the lame ass, question guy in the office… this sign is for you. Oh, if we could REALLY set people on fire.

When You Go Out

bill.doty — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 20:28:49 +0000

When you go out and about you start to realize you’re missing so much… online. The internet moves fast, go out for a few beers and you’re 50 memes behind.

iPad HD Has Siri, Here Are Our Favorite Siri Responses

bill.doty — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 20:25:33 +0000

Big news today from Apple, blah blah blah iPad HD blah blah blah… oh. Siri! Well this should be fun. Here are our favorite Siri asnwers

Occupy Crosswalk

bill.doty — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 20:06:54 +0000

Don’t stay in the intersection too long or you’ll get a mouth full of this guy

Why You Don’t Always Choose C

bill.doty — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 14:37:27 +0000

Seemed like a great idea at first

Superbad Sex Scene Table Read

bill.doty — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 14:23:45 +0000

A table read for a film is supposed to test the timing and the delivery of the actor’s lines. Seldom is it supposed to be funnier than the actual scene itself. This time, it was.

Why You Don’t Believe Facebook

bill.doty — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 13:25:11 +0000

We’re all bombarded with OMGfacts on a daily basis. So there probably isn’t a good time to start believing Slutty Sally and her daily OMGS as well.

Stephen Colbert Mocks Rush Limbaugh On Slutgate

bill.doty — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 13:16:27 +0000

Stephen Colbert addressed Rush Limbaugh’s rant about Sandra Fluke and her sexual habits, which he naturally tore to pieces. In doing so, he showed that Limbaugh is the true prostitute.

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Taco Bell’s 9 Strangest Sauce Packet Quotes

admin — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 04:53:34 +0000

In celebration of Taco Bell’s newly revamped value menu, the folks at the border have given their loyal customers something even more to cheer about other than the debut of their 89 cent Cheesy Double Beef Burrito. The Bell’s ever popular sauce packet quotes just started thinking even more ‘outside the bun’ to the delight of T.B. fanboys everywhere! Collect ‘em all!

Someone Actually Had To Make A Sign For This?

bill.doty — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 04:33:27 +0000

With everything we’ve learned watching Dolphin movies, the only think some people can think of to do with a dolphin is to pee on it?

The Hokey Pokey, Written By William Shakespeare.

bill.doty — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 04:20:48 +0000

The Hokey Pokey, written in the style of William Shakespeare.

Dave Chappelle On Star Search

bill.doty — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 04:10:38 +0000

In 1993 Dave Chappelle made his first appearance on Star Search. Who knew that the show actually produced stars?

We Would Hire Him

bill.doty — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 14:21:54 +0000

This person is either going to stay unemployed forever, or someday run our country

10 Tip Jars That Will Make Your Cheap-Ass Tip

bill.doty — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 14:13:56 +0000

It’s much easier to drop your change in a tip jar than your wallet, but do you do it? Sometimes you don’t like the person behind the register, or maybe you hate the establishment, or maybe you’re just a jerk. Well deep down maybe they just don’t want it enough. But if you saw these tip jars we think even the biggest of misers would give in.

10. No More Beiber Fans!

9. Be A Patriotic American!

8. Support Our Drug And Sex Habits

7. Your Karate Is Good, Ours Is Better

6. This Tip Jar Brings The Whole Room Together

5. In The Quest For A Gayer Planet

4. Aight Bitch!

3. Less Talking, More Tipping

2. This Is Why I Tip

1. Use Your Wallet Luke

If Dr. Seuss Wrote Star Wars

bill.doty — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 13:35:46 +0000

Last week was Dr. Seuss’ birthday. Though I believe he is celebrated every day. What if he was still writing books? What if he wrote Star Wars?

Police Pee Prank

bill.doty — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 13:17:13 +0000

Stab somebody and it could take hours for a cop to show up, pee in public and they come running.

Cud U Recommend Me A Book?

bill.doty — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 13:11:24 +0000

Survivial Checklist

bill.doty — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 04:32:46 +0000

We even survived the end of the Oprah Show, I think we’re all going to be okay.

Congrats Fail on Facebook

bill.doty — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 18:11:04 +0000

If you’re going to show off your weight loss you might want to suck your gut in a little

Zombies Love Ice Cream

bill.doty — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 18:04:54 +0000

Perhaps it’s because it is brain flavored?

Worst Extreme Biker Ever

bill.doty — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 01:05:19 +0000

You never forget how to crash into a wall, it’s just like riding a bike.

With Or Without You

bill.doty — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 01:00:19 +0000

Not everything translates over text. But this does just perfectly

Reality

bill.doty — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 14:18:38 +0000

Commercials lie?

5 People Who Giving Dating Sites A Bad Name

bill.doty — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 14:13:13 +0000

If you’re single, and still alive, you’ve been on a dating site. If you’re single, and still alive, and been on a dating site then you’ve realized it’s full of super, freaky people who can’t socialize in the real world. We do our best to sum them up from their profile picture but that’s not always that easy. Why? Because they have a profile picture like these… and they wonder why they stay single.

5. Their profile picture is 10 years old.

We don’t care what you looked like a decade ago, we’re concerned about now… even more so a decade of now so if you can post a picture of your parents that would be helpful too.

4. Picture in the mirror, shirt off

The biggest downfall of the camera phone is people using it. Especially on themselves. That’s great you work out but if you were trying to pull off the douchebag look then you just nailed it.

3. Profile pic is your pet.

OMG YAY U HAVE A DOG!!! We all love animal people but there is a reason they spend most of their time in your backyard.

2. Profile pics of your kids

We get it, there are a lot of single parents out there. But we’re not scooping out the hottest kids on the net, that’s a different site. You need to know this, on a dating site, is uber creepy.

1. Gaggle of friends profile pic

Posting a picture of you and all your friends pretty much tells us one thing, you’re the ugly one.

Why Some People Never Find Their Phone

bill.doty — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 13:33:54 +0000

It turns out there are still people out there too stupid to own a phone

Who Searches For Gay Porn

bill.doty — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 03:06:30 +0000

We all do it, we get on our friends’ computers and tweak settings, mess with their Facebook and then that final blow… download gay porn. Perhaps in a way it’s because we really want to search for it during out own time but we’re afraid to get caught.

But who’d admit that.

Noah’s Pokemon

bill.doty — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 02:16:21 +0000

Noah has to catch them all

How Hugh Hefner Does it

bill.doty — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 02:11:07 +0000

Personal, I think it’s the money and the giant mansion… but what do I know?

Music Stars – Now and Then

bill.doty — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 02:01:01 +0000

5 Ways Davy Jones Made Us A Believer

bill.doty — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 21:31:28 +0000

This week we lost Davy Jones. You couldn’t help but like the one British Monkee with his incredible smile and chipper voice. He will be missed. But he didn’t just come and go, he helped us all become believers.

5. He taught us you can writing a letter to your favorite pop star might just land them at your house.

4. That you can get Jack Nicholson to write your movie

3. That the short guy can get the girls

2. That convertible station wagons are cool

1. That Davy Jones’ locker was real