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Eugene Mirman vs Time Warner Cable

Eugene Mirman, man amongst boys.

Comedy.com fans, it’s no secret that Time Warner Cable is the bane of everyone’s existence. I don’t know if there’s any other company that gets so routinely and universally shitted on. Everyone has a Time Warner Cable story. I’ve written two sentences and my internet has already shut off nineteen times. That isn’t an exaggeration. Okay it is. But not by much. I’ve had to call their tech support hotline so many times that I sometimes randomly get their waiting music stuck in my head.

Comedian, Eugene Mirman also HATES Time Warner Cable. In fact, he’s done such a great job explaining his hatred for Time Warner in his op-ed piece, “An Open Letter from Eugene Mirman to Time Warner Cable” for The Greenpoint Gazette that I’ve republished the letter in its entirety on several websites and have pretended to be the author. Eugene Mirman gets credit for a lot of things. Not getting credit for this, isn’t going to kill him, but it will get more people to like my Facebook statuses.

Here’s my favorite portion of the letter:

Did Stalin ever call people before he arrested them and sent them to die in Siberian work camps? No! Why should Time Warner Cable have a policy that is any different from Stalin’s?

Did you know that on Yelp, Time Warner Cable has one and a half stars? That’s less stars than Jeffrey Dahmer — who killed and ate people, maybe even had sex with their skulls (I don’t really know). Obviously what I’m saying is untrue, because Yelp does not review serial killers, but if they did, his babaganoush would be better than yours, if you both made babaganoush, even if his drugged and murdered people. Sorry that got weird. F**k you. I just made you read that confusing thing.

Oh, Eugene. You have a way with words. I’m jealous. Click here for the full letter.

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