People often say, hey, Chris, you’re an adult. How do you meet lovely ladies and date in the real world? In this post, I’ll take some pretty common questions and completely misinterpret people’s problems. Enjoy!
- How do I find a nice girl and convince her to go out with me on Friday nights, instead of staying in watching Starcraft 2 gameplay footage?
What you’re going to want to do is reinstall the original Starcraft complete with Brood War expansion. While a lot of units are different if you’ve been playing the beta, the basic strategies are the same which will help your ladder ranking when SC2 is finally released. Be sure to saturate your mineral lines, do some early harass, and always be scouting! Nothing’s worse than preparing your zergling rush to find somehow your opponent has already switched to air units. Also, be sure to check out Husky Starcraft and HDStarcraft on YouTube to tide you over with SC2 videos.
- I met this great nerd girl who beat me at a Magic: The Gathering tournament but I can’t tell if she is into me like that. How can I be sure?
If she still likes you after you pwn her at M:TG, she’ll know you didn’t just let her win and she’ll respect you as a man. You’re going to want to go for a quick red-green deck for this, with plenty of little green critters and fast red damage. As long as she’s not heavy defensive (be wary of blue-white builds!) you should be able to poke her to death relatively quickly. After that, tell her “you’ll probably see her around” and then awkwardly smile and wave at her for the next five years until you find out she’s engaged to some guy who totally doesn’t even get her like you do.
- My problem is related to sex, if -
Buddy, you are asking the wrong guy. Unless you’re talking about Second Life sex, then you’re probably two years late to that game. Maybe try putting a flesh light between your mattress and box spring, especially if it’s green and you’ve got a thing for Yoda.
Posted by Chris Singel, who is even less cool than he seems.