Not long ago, we gave you a list of things you may have found at your house over Thanksgiving break. And one of those things was baseball cards. Well today we decided to head down to Santa Monica Sports Cards and pick up the latest Beckett Baseball price guide. And we wept. Gone are the days when we thought we’d be able to retire because we bought a Jose Canseco rookie. Now, even Canseco is broke and most of those cards went down the shitter. But some are still fairly valuable. And some really shouldn’t be. Here are the 10 most overrated baseball cards of the 1980’s.
10. The Sportflics Robin Yount Error Card
Because it’s $50 and Sportflics are only cool when you’re eight.
9. The 1987 Classic Update Yellow Mark McGwire
Hey look, everybody! It’s that shit brand Classic, but this time in disappointing Yellow!
8. The 1984 Fleer Update Dwight Gooden and 1983 Topps Traded Daryl Strawberry Cards (Tie)
Every Gooden and Strawberry card has trace amounts of cocaine on them. Actually, we want to see a special edition of these cards re-released with Memorabilia crack rocks embedded in the cards. Then both of these would be quickly removed from our list.
7. The 1987 Donruss Opening Day Barry Bonds Error with Johnny Ray’s Picture
We’re not saying this card isn’t cool. We’re just saying it’s not $300 cool. Especially since it’s twice as expensive as like, Mike Schmidt’s 1973 Topps rookie. This is the most expensive card of the decade. It’s also the most attention Johnny Ray got in his career, maybe other than losing the Rookie of the Year award to Steve Sax in 1982. Bonds has a ton of overrated cards from 1986-89, but this one takes the cake.
6. The 1984 Donruss Don Mattingly Rookie Card
We love Donny Baseball as much as the next guy. We actually probably like him more than the next guy. But his Donruss rookie is more expensive than a lot of guys’ rookies who will actually get into the Hall of Fame. He doesn’t even have his mustache on the card. And that’s fucking bullshit.
5. The 1989 Upper Deck Dale Murphy Error Card
It’s his reverse image. This is what Dale Murphy sees when he looks in a mirror. That, and failed promise.
4. The 1982 Topps Pascual Perez Error Card
Don’t throw a fit because we can’t find a photo of the actual card. Imagine this card doesn’t say ‘Pitcher’ on it. Then imagine if Pascual Perez wasn’t super ugly in an awful Pirates uniform and was a decent player. Which is harder? Still, it’s $40.
3. Anything Topps or Bowman ‘Tiffany’
This Mark McGwire Olympic card from 1985 is worth $80 more in ‘Tiffany’ than his regular Topps card. Why? Because it’s shiny. And they only sold those cards in factory sets. And they called them ‘Tiffany’, like that dude that stained glass. Gross. Thanks for giving us poor folks your cardboard and then saving the good stuff for millionaires, Topps. Gross.
2. The 1982 Fleer John Littlefield RevNg
First of all, who the hell is John Littlefield? Nobody at Fleer gave a shit. That’s for sure. Even to the point that they messed up which arm he threw with. And this error card is still worth $100. His non-error Fleer card is worth zilch. Plus 1982 Fleer is a turd.
1. The 1989 Fleer Bill Ripken Whiteout
Come on, really? The ‘Fuck Face’ card is more valuable whited out than when it says ‘Fuck Face’ clearly on the fuck face’s bat? The whiteout is $120. That’s $105 more than when it says ‘Fuck Face’ clearly on the bat handle. You know what, strip clubs with latex paint over the girl’s nipples is more rare than when they just show naked boobs, but that doesn’t make it hotter. Nipples and ‘Fuck Face’ bat handles are best left exposed.
Comedy.com’s resident baseball card nerd is Mike Bridenstine. He has bent corners.
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