Earlier in the year we gave you Baseball’s All-Ugly Team. The NBA should not be left out. Here is the NBA’s All-Ugly Team. We’re going with a 12 man roster and a coach. And Sam Cassell didn’t even make the list. Enjoy.
Calvin Booth – Timberwolves
This is not an attractive man. It looks like somebody took a regular-sized ugly guy and then put them in a fun house mirror. And yet he still somehow manages to kind of look like Nicholas Cage.
Adam Morrison – Bobcats
If you got sent to detention hall in middle school in 1993, Adam Morrison was the kid in the back of the room who was in there for stabbing a janitor with a pencil. He also goes and gets your stuffed animal when you win that clown squirting game at the carnival.
Joakim Noah – Bulls
Isn’t his mom a model or something? Why does he look like Willie, the murderer from Ghost, got fetal alcohol syndrome?
Oleksiy Pecherov- Wizards
Stewy from Family Guy grew up and plays for the Washington Wizards. We’ve never heard of this guy, but he was apparently a huge star in the Fucked Up Square Head Basketball League before going to the NBA.
Charlie Villenueva – Bucks
Did this guy get to play professional basketball because he looks like a basketball? Or is it because he’s in the Fantastic 4? Either way, yuck.
Josh Boone – Nets
Yo, dawg. “Blame it on the Rain” was my favorite song! Which one were you – Rob or Fab?
Theo Ratliff – 76ers
Is Theo Ratliff wearing makeup? It’s not working. He looks like somebody put Dwayne Wade in Photoshop. And the results are ghastly.
Michael Ruffin – Bulls
Michael Ruffin’s has been kicked out of the NBA four times for accidentally ripping heads off of rabbits in press conferences. And nobody knows where he got them from. He’s special.
Will Bynum – Pistons
Wasn’t he the guy with the machete in Porky’s?
Robert Swift – Thunder
She used to serve up sloppy joe’s in our elementary school cafeteria.
Greg Oden – Trailblazers
How old is he supposed to be, again? He has that disease Brad Pitt has in that movie where he ages backwards. Not a looker, Oden.
Jason Terry – Mavs
What happened? When you see Jason Terry in a game, he doesn’t look that weird. But then you see his ESPN photo, it’s like he’s a Ninja Turtles villain.
Coach: Marc Iavaroni – Grizzles
Yeah, we thought a Van Gundy would win this one too. Nope. It’s Iavaroni from the Grizzlies. In his spare time, he’s a character actor on Conan O’Brien. This guy is a tragedy.
How did we do? Let us know who we missed. And it’s CURRENT players, so don’t tell us we missed some guy from the Seventies or Popeye Jones. But let us know, nonetheless.
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