Are you back from Thanksgiving break yet? Well, if you visited your parent’s house (we’re assuming you’ve moved out) over the holiday, there’s a chance you went into your old bedroom or the basement or the attic and rummaged through some of your old crap. We’ve talked to enough people to know it happened. Well, here are the 10 best things you may have found back at home on Thanksgiving break.
10. Photos of Yourself With Hilariously Outdated Hairstyles You’ll Be Able to Upload to Your Facebook
Because what Facebook/MySpace account is complete without the obligatory faux embarrassing photo of yourself from 7th grade? Don’t get left behind. The more jacked your teeth, zits, glasses, hair and clothing were the better. Don’t forget to leave a snarky comment about yourself, as if you’re somehow over it by now. You’re not. That’s still you, just with a different haircut.
9. Your Old Posters
Remember how sweet your Bo Jackson/Michael Jordan posters were? They’d especially look good in your livingroom now, wouldn’t they? We’d love to go to a friend’s house party and see a “Bash Brothers” poster in the kitchen. That’s classy.
8. Your Badass Starter Jacket
Somehow your vintage Raiders Starter jacket survived your mom’s yard sales because you always kinda knew that style would come back. Well, it finally has. Trust us. We saw Kid Rock wearing one on TV, so you know they’re cool again. That guy wouldn’t just wear any old thing on VH1 Hip-Hop Honors.
7. Love Notes From High School Ex’s You’re Not Quite Sure Why You Saved
Oh, to be sixteen and in love… with a barely-literate cliche-abusing dumbass. They wrote you a note in homeroom about how the two of you are soulmates and you stashed it in a shoebox labeled “Becky” or whoever. You’ll be glad you kept it because that shit is hilarious. Assuming you’re over the earth-shattering heartbreak.
6. Your Childhood Action Figures
You had a robot that transformed into an AM/FM Stereo Cassette Player. How crazy is that? Bust out all of your old Star Wars guys you probably warped in a sand box or whatever and see if anybody out there is nerd-enough to buy them on eBay. You’ve seen 40 Year Old Virgin. You’re gonna be rich, bitch!
5. Newly Ironic T-Shirts
You used to be into some pretty lame shit and have the t-shirts to prove it. Hopefully you’re still in decent shape and can wear those shirts now with newfound irony. Did your heavyset older sister have a New Kids on the Block t-shirt? Now is the time to hipster it up! Send her a thank you note after random strangers compliment you for your past suckiness/current awesomeness.
4. Your Old BMG/Columbia House CD Collection
Unless you spilled beer all over your CD binder in college like we did, you may have an impressive collection of awful grunge-era CDs you got for free by signing up for BMG or Columbia House in the Nineties. Better yet, you can steal your dad’s old Zeppelin vinyls… depending on whether or not your dad was cool. Otherwise you might have to decide if his John Denver record would make a good ironic framer for your livingroom wall.
You’d bring back your cassette tapes, but nobody cares about your Weird Al collection from elementary school.
3. The Nintendo You’re Bringing Back For Sure
You may have stumbled upon your old NES and you’re bringing it home with you – because fuck yeah. If you find Contra or Zelda along with it, you’re playing that shit as soon as you get home. Because Nintendo didn’t used to make us work out to play video games.
2. Your Old Baseball Cards
For some reason, you thought baseball cards were make you a millionaire. Then the prices went to shit and you shoved everything in boxes in the attic. But nostalgia works in mysterious ways and those babies are coming back. It always feels good to pull out your old Billy Ripken Fuck Face card or your Darryl Strawberry or Ken Griffey Jr. rookie cards. Or to see who you thought was going to be a big star the year you stopped collecting. If you’re like us, you have a decent collection of Gregg Jeffries, Kevin Maas and Todd Van Poppel for no apparent reason.
1. The Porn Mags You Hid 15 years ago.
Unless you’re not older than 12, there’s a pretty good chance you didn’t have the Internet your whole life. Back in the olden days, teenage boys used to have to jack it to whatever porno magazines they could get their hands on. Or the Swimsuit Issue. Or a JC Penny catalog. Whatever. It always feels good to find your old stash you hid and then be able to quietly jack it to Jenny McCarthy/Kathy Ireland/unknown underwear broads in your bedroom while your parents are sleeping. Just like old times.