At Comedy.com, we’re always game for a funny basketball video. Since you’re already Online reading this, there’s a decent chance you’ve seen the Wall Street Journal YouTube video named “Michael Jordan vs. CEO John Rogers”. It isn’t really “funny”, but as this is being typed, 1.5 million people have already seen it. It’s supposed to be a big deal. We’re not impressed. And we’re prepared to give you our reasons. Here are 8 reasons we’re not impressed with the Michael-Jordan-Getting-Beat video.
8. Michael Jordan is 45 years old.
You might not know this. He also kind of retired from the NBA five years ago. This isn’t 1988 or 1998. This is 2008. And beating Michael Jordan one-on-one will only get less impressive with each progressing year.
7. This actually happened in 2003.
Fine, Jordan was 40 in the video. But he was still old and still retired. Just not as old and as retired. Plus, what took CEO John Rogers so long to post the video?
6. Jordan just played like, 10 games in a row before he played John Rogers
At the beginning of the video, you can see MJ destroying a long procession of awful weekend warrior schlubbs. Remember that game when Jordan had the flu and had to get carried off the court by Scottie Pippen? Why not just have CEO John Rogers play him then and post it on YouTube?
5. Jordan wasn’t trying
This is clearly a 40-year-old man going through the motions. The first time CEO John Rogers drove on Michael, he was still talking shit to the onlookers. Plus, what’s he gonna do? He’s gonna play tenacious defense against some twerp CEO and get sued for breaking the guy’s pussy bone? MJ is walking in most of the clip. Why would he try, anyway? Look at the guy…
Which brings us to…
4. CEO John Rogers, unlike Michael, was clearly trying as hard as he could
It was a borderline cheap move to drive on Jordan while he was addressing the group. He also gets all crouched-down and scrappy with Jordan on defense. He’s even racing to follow his own rebounds. So now you have a 40-year-old guy who’s retired from the NBA with nothing to prove to a bunch of corporate douche bags in Kareem goggles. He’s just played ten games in a row and in his last game, he has to go up against the scrappy trying-way-too-hard guy.
3. CEO John Rogers traveled.
In his first bucket, he takes three steps. Just saying.
2. They played to 3
Their actual game was about 2 minutes long. And CEO John Rogers “won” 3-2. All of these other facts aside, a three-point one-on-one game victory isn’t that impressive, no matter who is playing.
1. Jordan actually won.
CEO John Rogers scored his 3 buckets on slop layups. If they’re playing to three, depending on how you’re scoring, Jordan actually wins. Both of his shots were from behind the three point line. So Jordan actually “won” 6-4, if you don’t allow Rogers last slop layup. Or he won 4-3, even if you count the last layup and are scoring on a two-point scale.
So keep on sending this over-hyped clip around. Even though Michael is in his forties, not trying, nothing to prove, after killing ten other deadbeats… and still won the game. That’s how good Michael Jordan was at basketball. Twenty years from now, if some other guy at his camp beats him, you’re still going to see it get a million hits on YouTube.
Comments