Our ListMaster, Mike Bridenstine, has struck again. After “successfully” recasting Cheers and Night Court, this week he gives us his re-casting of another popular sitcom from yesteryear. Here is “Recasting the ’80’s: Laverne & Shirley”. And yes, we know that show was mostly on in the late ’70s. But it existed in the ’80s, so relax.
Laverne DeFazio
Penny Marshall was originally the tough-talking Italian tomboy, who liked to date tough guys and drink milk and Pepsi. Our choice: Drea de Matteo. We were going to go with Leah Remini, but she’s a little too old and Scientology-y. Drea has her Emmy for her work on The Sopranos, but she was also Joey Tribbiani’s sister on Joey. Plus, she’s dating the son of Waylon Jennings. And Penny Marshall was totally married to the son of Carl Reiner. And Drea looks like she could get ugly later on in life… just like Penny Marshall did.
Shirley Feeney
Shirley was the girly, positive, prudish one. Our choice: Zooey Deschanel. Zooey is 28 and Cindy Williams was 29 when the show first aired. Both are also from Los Angeles. And Zooey seems to play the best friend in a lot of her movies. Plus, the prospect of a lesbo scene with Drea De Matteo is waaaay hotter than one with Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams. Just saying.
Lenny
The lovable goofy Polish truck driver. Our choice: Jason Segel. He could pull off the dumb part. Maybe the remake would have to be on HBO so Lenny could show his weiner every chance he gets.
Squiggy
Squiggy was the more obnoxious, greasier of the Lenny-Squiggy duo. Our choice: David Krumholtz. We wanted Steve Zahn, but he’s about 11 years older than David Lander was on the show and couldn’t pull off a sidekick roll to Jason Segel. Krumholtz looks like his name should be Squiggy, anyway. And tell us he’s not obnoxious. You can’t.
Frank
Laverne’s Italian father who runs Pizza Bowl. Our choice: Paul Soles. Basically because he plays a kindly pizza restaurant owner in The Incredible Hulk. Plus, look at the guy.
Carmine “The Big Ragu” Ragusa
Fonzie’s buddy and Shirley’s on-again-off-again boyfriend who wants to be Tony Manero from Saturday Night Fever. Our choice: Joey Fatone. Come on! Name us a better young guido dance machine than Joey Fatone. You fucking can’t! And he can act.
Edna
The divorcee landlady who married Frank and has a partially-retarded daughter. Our choice: Cloris Leachman. This one is pretty much perfect. And you know it.
Okay. What did we screw up? Let us know.
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