A little while back, we gave you 7 terrible spam emails we received that week. The spammers were determined to top themselves. Here are the 10 worst spam emails we’ve gotten this week.
10. From: kristy raquela
Subject: Farm chick wants a cock in her tight pussy
Hey Kristy. Long time no hear. What’s that? Farm chick wants a cock in her tight pussy? Wow. That’s right to the point. And you used three animal metaphors. Is it because she’s on a farm? Do you think we’re retarded? We’re not. And we’re not clicking on you.
9. From: barnard muhammad
Subject: How to get rid of bad xlife?
What does that even mean, Barnard? Do you mean ex-wife? Are you going to murder our non-existent ex-wife? Nice name, too. Was Winthorp Abdul-Jabbar too busy to email me? Figure it out.
8. From: Christian Dating
Subject: Find The One
By ‘The One’ do you mean Jesus? Aren’t people meeting babes at church anymore? This email would be a little more believable if we hadn’t received this one…
7. From: Christian Dating
Subject: Daters Wanted
Oh. So nobody uses your service. No pre-marital hanky panky, right? Sounds super. But no thank you.
6. From: hebert daehyun
Subject: Why is your love life such a disaster?
Is it because we’ve been using that awful Christian Dating service? Is it because we make our love life decisions on spam emails from guys named Herbert?
5. From: Morgan Ortiz
Subject: Lasta Pictu rel SexualIyuExpIicitg 95e2a62c664edf36
Did you fall asleep on your keyboard, Morgan? Or do you just hate your job as a spam emailer? It seems like you have pictures of sexually explicit something or another. Be proud. Those pictures are totally impossible to find Online.
4. From: Kaylee Coleman
Subject: F-r eem Vi_deou eSexualym Exp1sicjtb d55343211a6c7f9b
I think this is from the same place as the last message Morgan sent me. Maybe there was a gas leak in their terrible office basement and everyone passed out at the same time and couldn’t quite let everyone know about how awesome their sex stuff is.
3. From: Imy Xodebi
Re: qtbi
Imy is just lazy. Like he/she just said, “fuck it, send”. Unless ‘qtbi’ is some sort of slang for cutie bi-sexual that we don’t know about.
2. From: fraud
Subject: you beaten
This is the worst attempt ever by a spam company if they’re trying to Trojan Horse their way into my inbox. You’re a fraud and you’re going to beat us at something? Sure.
1. From: iago balfour
Subject: You’ll for sure will be more manly.
Step one to being more manly: start saying “for sure”. So to be more manly we should start talking like a middle school girl? Oh, for sure.
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