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12 Sweet Things to Say to Your Girlfriend

Our seventeen-year-old, wise-beyond-his-years, intern (Slava) is at it again. After the smash hit of his first list, 12 Sweet Things to Say to Your Boyfriend, he followed up with 12 Sweet Things to Say to Your Girlfriend.



12. I feel so irresponsible for letting you pay for your own pedicures. I mean, after all, they’re “our” toes.


11. I’m just not in the mood, sweetie; can’t we just cuddle or at least let me make you a full dinner that doesn’t consist of heating up a frozen panini from Trader Joe’s?


10. What are the odds that I invented this recipe for weight loss, delicious strudel and got a nice body from swimming all on the same day?



9. That bitch at work that talks about you has a fat neck.


8. Don’t mention commitment around me! If you do, I’ll get such a raging erection, I’ll have to make love to you for 9 hours straight focusing on your needs.


7. The pandas and unicorns are overpopulating so I had to adopt us some.


6. Which of my hobbies or personal convictions would you like me to give up today?


5. Let’s go to a shitty art museum today and then out for gelato.



4. Please tell me in detail why you like and dislike every contestant on Project Runway.


3. I don’t care if you disagree, I feel embarrassed leaving the house if I’m not clean-shaven and wearing a shirt you bought for me 2 birthdays ago.


2. I cried during that movie you liked. You know, the one with the relationship.



1. I know the game is on today but I was wondering if it was ok for my two best friends, Patrick Dempsey and Eric Dane, to come over and do some housework shirtless.


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