Hey ladies, do you ever have a hard time finding just the right words to say to your fella? Well our crack department of romance advisers and our seventeen-year-old intern, Slava, have just the words for you. He’s like Cyrano de Bergerac, but way more correct.
12. “My landlord says I can’t have pets in the apartment anymore so I’d really appreciate if you let my self-sufficient, highly trained, kung-fu fighting, hilarious monkey live at your place and grow weed for you.”
11. “Get drunk and hit me. I know it means you love me.”
10. “Do you want to watch reruns of Curb Your Enthusiasm and eat Frosted Flakes out of the assholes of these Brazilian twins I met scuba divining to find Atlantis?”
9. “I found this Oreo on the carpet but it’s really clean.”
8. “I just the won the lottery! But my family is already so loaded so would you mind keeping the money and my collection of Kurt Russell movies?”
7. “My hot friends accidentally took HD-quality videos of themselves naked and making out and I need you to stash the tapes at your place while I blow you. Please, I’ll owe you one.”
6. “I ate these five boxes of cereal and Cracker Jacks but I don’t want the prizes. Do you know anyone who would want random glow in the dark toys?”
5. “Rap to me.”
4. “I feel rejected when you don’t cum on my chest and then burp.”
3. “If you keep putting the toilet seat down, how am I gonna get a chance to practice?”
2. “My cousins, the Myth Busters guys, don’t have anyone to hang out with for the next 4 months. Would you mind keeping them company? They love blowing shit up.”
1. We don’t have anyone to judge the Hot Naked Porn Star Lesbian Slam Dunk Festival Competition!
Need more advice? Check out these 12 Sweet Things To Say To Your Girlfriend.
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