Recently, Comedy.com’s Fashion Correspondent, Mike Burns gave us his take on the worst fashion trends for douchebags. Let’s see what his take is on awful hip-hop trends. Here are the 8 worst hip-hop fashion trends. Enjoy.
Think some of these are passé? They might be to you if you live in a major city, but I guarantee you if you swing by the local mall in the Midwest or the south, you’ll see this garbage sadly alive and well. I’ve been in Detroit , Chicago , New York , and Los Angeles recently, and all of this bad taste is still vomiting all over from coast to coast.
8. BAPEstas
Nigo of “A Bathing Ape”, and Pharrell Williams’ fashion Asian houseboy, has been releasing these Nike Air Force 1 knock-offs for years. And charging twice as much for them.
Doesn’t anyone remember the line, “I asked her for Adidas and she bought me Zips!”
BAPEstas = Zips. Just because they cost a shit-ton and are hard to get, it doesn’t make them cool.
7. Sports Jerseys
You know who should wear dude’s sports jerseys? Teenage girls whose boyfriends play for their high school team.
Either that or New York guidos who want to go down on Derek Jeter but would never admit it so instead they just wear an oversized Yankees jersey to crappy midtown sports bars, making sure it’s long enough to hide their closeted Jeter boner.
Thankfully, these are almost all the way out the door unless you live in a trailer park and want to play gangsta with your broke ass peroxided Eminem haircut and giant denim shorts. Corny hoops or fake diamond earrings optional.
By the way, isn’t it funny how the new generation of white trash stoner racists now dress like the “wiggers” their older brothers used to beat up?
6. Giant Denim Shorts
Once they go past the bottom of the calf, they’re officially kulots.
You know. Kulots? The giant skirt shorts that overweight grade school art teachers wear?
Man, do giant denim shorts ever suck some serious shit.
5. Ridiculously Large Diamond Encrusted Jewelry
Look, there are classics like The Roc chain that are timeless and iconic. And by today’s standards, maybe even considered understated.
But wearing novelty-sized diamond jewelry is gross. I don’t care what you paid for it, you might as well just wear some giant wacky novelty eye glasses and a fake Steve Martin arrow through your head, you wild and crazy guy!
Yes Rick Ross, you too. No one wants to see your big fat head twice.
4. Copping Your Gear From Marshalls or TJ Maxx
Please, PLEASE, don’t buy your “streetwear” from Marshall’s or TJ Maxx. It’s there for a reason. You’re better off in some fresh Dickies and a Hanes t-shirt from the Army Surplus store than getting a bargain on a Slim Shady brand sweatsuit that no one fucking wants.
Also saying, “copping gear”. Let that go too. We all know you’re “copping” it with a credit card you can’t afford to pay off.
3. Articles of Clothing With Looney Toons or Disney Characters on Them
You think that whole thing is done? Go ahead, take a stroll through Dr. Jay’s in Manhattan . A whole section of the store looks like Friz Freleng went on a bender, came back to life, and got loose in there with a paint brush.
A XXXL Tweety Bird leather jacket is so fucking repulsive that I can’t even think of words to critique it with other than comparing it to a “XXXL Tweety Bird Leather Jacket”.
2. New Era 5950 Caps
Done correctly, these are a timeless item. Too bad the majority wear ‘em with the sticker still on long after the rest of the cap has gone by the wayside. Dude, just because you still have the sticker on it doesn’t mean it’s new. There are sweat rings on the outside that look like Bob Ross was trying to paint fluffy clouds and happy mountains on your head.
Unless you’re Jay-Z in a navy NY cap or Lil’ Wayne in a blood red fitted, do us a favor and walk out of Lids without that ugly as fuck fluorescent blue camo Dodgers hat. You’ve done enough damage to the genre. I don’t care if it matches your new ugly as fuck whatever you were going to match it with.
And don’t even start with, “but my 5950 is a collab between The Hundreds and and ALIFE” or some shit.
Shut up. No one cares. Even hypebeast is just throwing those things a bone at this point.
1. Anything With Skulls On It
You know? Like t-shirts with rhinestone skulls on them? Skull rhinestone belt buckles? Jim Jones ballin’ stylee?
Yuck. We get it. You shop at those “edgy” stores in the mall. Great job, MC Avril Levigne.
