Apple announced some new technology at their latest event and it came with no surprises. Here are the 6 least surprising things about Apple’s new tech announcements.
6. Steve Jobs and the iPod Nano are both thinner.
We’re beginning to think the iPods’ size and shape correlate with Jobs’ own size and shape. Coming soon: the iPod Gaunt, the iPod Emaciated and the iPod Cancer Rumor.
5. Steve Jobs wore a black shirt with jeans.
Now that we’re not surprised by the technology, we can also mention that we’d like Jobs to branch out and not dress like a puppeteer every time he speaks in front of a crowd.
4. Bug Fixes!
Thanks for the shitty parts of the last thing we bought 6 months ago. And thanks for getting around to fix those now.
3. A Newer Version of iTunes!!!
Wow! We’d been holding our breaths for the new iTunes! That’s something that people are always talking about. When is the newest iTunes going to come out? But you solved the problem on everyone’s minds! What awful celebrity is going to give me their playlist? Great!
2. Regular iPods are thinner and hold more songs.
Say, that’s mind blowing. Thinner with more memory you say? We thought you were going to come out with one shaped like a brick that holds less songs. No? You wow us every time, Apple.
1. TV and Internet are still two separate things.
Just do it already. We’re sick of reading articles about the future of entertainment with a marriage of TV and the web. Can you just say “fuck you” and do it? Come on, you’re Apple. You put a camera and the Internet and crap into your phone. Really blow our minds. Because this event was a snoozefest.
Comedy.com’s ListMaster is Mike Bridenstine. He has an iPod from 2003.
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