So this photo of Jake Entourage (or whatever his name is) is all over our RSS feed today. Pretty lame, Vinny Gren-yay. Here are 6 songs we wish he played at the beach to make this photo even more lame.
6. “More Than Words” by Extreme.
Come on Adrian Gren-ear. This one is a total panty dropper. That girl in the dress that looks like our grandma’s dishes would totally dig that. Especially the falsetto parts. And when they go “E-Vah Let Me Goooo”. Either that, or everyone’s face would hurt from cringing.
5. “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” by Green Day.
This song used to make girls’ pussies cry. Now we fantasize about Adrian HBO playing this and some beach meathead walking past and smashing that guitar over his waifish body like Pete Townsend or the Honky Tonk Man.
4. “Hey There Delilah” by The Plain White T’s.
“Look, babe. I have a lot of emotions. This life gets so crazy sometimes, babe. This song speaks to me.” Then we hope he changed the name ‘Delilah’ to whatever that girl with the big forehead’s name is. Becca, or some shit.
3. “Love Hurts” by Nazareth
We don’t know how far he could get into this ballad without trying to put our fists through is face.
2. “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas
So moody. So perfect. I picture Vinny Entourage closing his eyes and belting out a pitchy rendition. Then opening them to reveal pained tears. Every woman in earshot has their pussy explode.
1. “This is an original song I kinda wrote for you, babe”
When cheesedicks bust out acoustic guitars at parties, there’s nothing better than the awkward ballad that the douche wrote for the girl he has no chance with. Lots of lyrics about her eyes. Lots more cringes and barfing.
Comedy.com’s ListMaster is Mike Bridenstine. He is jealous of Adrian Grenier.
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