7 People We Wish Would Have Gotten Into a Car Crash Instead of Morgan Freeman

Here’s the good news/bad news. The good news is you’ve made “The Dark Knight”, a box office smash and the greatest superhero movie of all time. The bad news is that all of your stars are going to have horrible things happen to them. Christian Bale gets accused of assault by his hippie sister and clown mom. Heath Ledger dies of a drug overdose. Your roommate complains that Maggie Gyllenhaal isn’t “hot enough”. And now, our beloved Morgan Freeman gets into a car crash. Well, here are 7 people we wish would have gotten into a car crash instead of Morgan Freeman.

 

1. Shia Labeouf

 

 

Wait. This already happened? Why didn’t we take more pleasure in this? Oh, because he wasn’t horribly disfigured. That’s gotta be it.

 

2. Katherine Heigl

 

 

She’s a whiny, self-entitled baby and she needs to be smashed to hell by a dump truck. Other than that, she’s a fine actress with upstanding charitable and societal causes. Plus a healthy set of knockers.

 

3. Amy Winehouse

 

 

Somebody needs to put her out of her misery. Too bad her zombie crack hair would probably save her. Are we the first blog to make fun of her hair and drug use? Yessss!!!

 

4. Tom Cruise

 

 

“Vanilla Sky” would have been much better if his car wreck happened while he was blowing a dude. Preferably John Travolta. But we can’t really remember what happened in that movie.

 

5. Perez Hilton

 

 

He’d probably be in a big rush to give the world the latest news on Zac Efron’s ballsack and he’d get rear ended. We thought you might enjoy the ‘rear ended’ joke there. But seriously, if he smacked his face on the wheel, he might have an excuse to get surgery and not have gay midget face his whole goddamn life.

 

6. Britney Spears

 

 

It’s hacky to talk shit about Britney. It’s not hacky to hope her death comes the exact same way that happened to Sonny in “The Godfather”. Not really a car wreck, per se, but it’d be less of a media frenzy than if she actually died in a car crash. Too “Princess Di”.

 

7. Dennis Haysbert

 

 

Just how badly do you want to be Morgan Freeman, bro? Put a car crash on your bucket list.