Who says nobody buys music anymore? People bought THESE songs. In fact they all went to the top of the Billboard charts some time between 1998 and 2008. And they’re all stinkers. Here are the worst songs to go to the top of the charts over the past ten years. Enjoy.
10. “Everything You Want” by Vertical Horizon
How is it possible to make a song this boring go to #1? It’s like a song they would put in the background of a Vagisil commercial. Hey Vertican Horizon, your song is a music bed for an itchy vagina product.
9. “With Arms Wide Open” by NickleCreed
Man, sometimes Christian rock rocks just a little too hard.
8. “Always on Time” by Ja Rule featuring Ashanti
Ja Rule had a little period when everything he did with Ashanti and Jennifer Lopez blew up. He took my order at the Long John Silver’s drive through today in Gardena.
7. Every American Idol Single Ever
Let me guess. It’s gonna be some shitfuck ballad about how you’ve always wanted this your whole life. Yuck.
6. “La Vida Loca” by Ricky Martin
If you didn’t know, “La Vida Loca” is Spanish for “Gay Puerto Rican Elvis”.
5. “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It” by Will Smith
Remember back when sit-com writers had old people or white people say “jiggy with it” as a comedic device to prove how un-hip they were? “You’re so white, Carl!” Boy that shit sucked. So does this song.
4. “I Knew I Loved You” by Savage Garden
This song makes my pussy cry.
3. “Butterfly” by Crazy Town
How can you possibly be the Poor Man’s Limp Bizkit? This is how.
2. “Laffy Taffy” by D4L
“Girls call me Jolly Rancher/ Cause I stay so hard/ You can suck me for a long time/ Oh my God.” Are not even the worst lyrics of this shit pile. The “Skeet skeet skeet like a water hose” line is. If this song didn’t kill hip-hop, then it certainly gave it AIDS.
1. “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion
This brings back horrible memories, doesn’t it? The haunting, shaky, French-Canadian voice of Celine Dion with a clip montage from Titanic. You own it and it embarrasses you. Or it should.
Comedy.com’s List Master is Mike Bridenstine.
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