Denny’s menus are getting closer and closer to a laundry list of sexual euphemisms rather than a selection of meal choices for breakfast at 4:30 am when you’re smashed out of your mind on malt liquor and pot you bought from a guy named Peanut Darryl on a street corner in the bad part of Hollywood.
Here’s the top 5 menu items at Denny’s that sound more like a dirty romp in the sack than a late night bite to eat:
5. Lumberjack Slam
Two buttermilk pancakes, a slice of grilled honey ham, two bacon strips, two sausage links and two eggs, plus you have to sleep with a woman that looks like John Goodman in a flannel shirt.
4. All-American Slam
Two buttermilk pancakes, a slice of grilled honey ham, two bacon strips, two sausage links and two eggs, with your choice of wearing a crotchless red, white, and blue Evel Knievel jumpsuit or an Uncle Sam top hat while you have sex doggie style in front of the TV while watching Rocky IV.
3. Meat Lover’s Scramble
Two horny guys scrambled with six even hornier guys, a big bag of ecstasy, and topped with a case of cheap, pink champagne. Served in the locked bathroom of a dark club where the bartender only wears black leather briefs, cowboy boots, and a tattoo of a nude Hugh Jackman on his chest. With your choice of fluffy pancakes or bottomless hashbrowns.
2. French Toast Slam
It’s French Toast that’s so good you don’t eat it, you fuck it. Yet it somehow still gives you diarrhea.
1. Moons Over My Hammy
I’ll let you figure this one out on your own.
This list was compiled by Comedy.com’s special Denny’s correspondent Mike Burns.
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