Brokeback Mountain is becoming an opera. In lieu of all of the jokes that will be rehashed and recycled surrounding this news, we’ve decided to go in another direction. Here, for your reading enjoyment, are the top Oscar-nominated movies of all-time that actually sound like they could be gay porn.
17. The Smiling Lieutenant
The lieutenant is smiling. He’s smiling because of gay sex. Or it could be a cute nickname he gave another lieutenant’s boner. Either way, it just sounds kinda gay.
16. The Shanghai Express
Hot, hot Asian sex. The dude kind.
15. She Done Him Wrong
She done him wrong…so this gay dude’s gonna come correct.
14. Captain Blood
It’s probably best if we don’t describe what we think this one might be about.
13. Ruggles of Red Gap
He has catch phrases like, “Ooooh, yeah. Ruggles likes a struggle”. Then there’s the ‘Red Gap’ part, which we’ll also leave alone.
12. The Gay Divorcee
He messed up on his first marriage because it was with a non-dude. Now he’s single and ready to mingle. By ‘mingle’ we mean ‘fuck’.
11. The Snake Pit
Here’s a hint: It’s what they call their butts. In this film, anyhow.
10. One Hundred Men and a Girl
This one’s a filthy gang bang. But the dudes keep themselves busy while they wait.
9. Lady for a Day
We think it’d be a prison movie or something.
8. Here Comes the Navy
It gets so lonely out there at sea.
7. The Elephant Man
Something on him is grotesque. And that something rhymes with “cock”. And 34 ‘trunk’ references for good measure. Yes, pun intended.
6. Mr Deeds Goes to Town
He goes to town, alright. On a bunch of other gay dudes.
5. Fanny
It’s another name for a butt, folks.
4. The Russians are Coming, the Russians are Coming
In this case, the Red Scare would be some sort of STD.
3. 12 Angry Men
How ever do we cheer them up? You guessed it! Gay sex!
2. Howard’s End
Poor Howard. His end is very desirable.
1. The White Parade
No photo is available for the original. We think it’s because it’s exactly what it sounds like.
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