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The Onion Reports - Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Makes Virtual War As Boring As Real War

The Slut Scale…And Other Things We Learned From Today’s Newest New News

Friday June 6, 2008 3:51 PM

In today’s Newest New News entertainment report, we learned that Tatum Oneal researches her roles by buying cocaine and that Dakota Fanning is a bigger slut than Sarah Jessica Parker. TMZ would be so proud.

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